Just One Yesterday
by doctor's gal 1792
Summary: Mrs. Clara Moore is traveling on the Titanic with her husband. She is a young mother who has always been fiercely devoted to her husband but with his withdraw after the birth of their son, she has felt the lack of companionship take its toll on her. Will she re-connect with her husband during this trip or will she make a new and stronger connection in an unlikely place?
1. A Purpose

**Title: Just One Yesterday**

**Author: doctors gal1792**

**Rating: K+**

**Summary: Mrs. Clara Moore is traveling on the Titanic with her husband. She is a young mother who has always been fiercely devoted to her husband but with his withdraw after the birth of their son, she has felt the lack of companionship take its toll on her. Will she re-connect with her husband during this trip or will she make a new and stronger connection in an unlikely place? **

**A/N- God. Again I never thought I'd be here again...writing Titanic fanfic. But on Sunday I honored the 101st Anniversary by watching documentary's and films and I was hit with the Titanic muse about as hard as Cal hit Rose. Uhm...anyway...If you read and like this please review and let me know! I never have much desire to continue these things if I don't get feed back. **

**Thanks for checking it out!**

**xx**

Chapter 1

A Purpose

Clara Moore never set out for an adventure and she certainly never set out to be different from every other woman. She knew from a young age that someday she would grow up, be someone's wife and shortly after; be someone's mother, and she was perfectly okay with that. The idea of marrying for love was a lovely idea but something she left to the pages of her Jane Austen novels. So she never really expected to come to love the man she married but it made her a happier woman. The first five years of her marriage were a happy one, despite her struggles to conceive and when she finally did successfully carry a baby to term, Clara Moore was the happiest woman in the city of London. Her son was born in the fall of 1908 and he was named Benjamin after Clara's father and she felt her son was the happiest little boy in the city.

However soon after their son was born, her husband began to withdraw from the relationship. He spent more hours at work and he hardly showed an interest in their home life. But Clara carried on, she raised their son, supported her husband, and played the role of dutiful wife. So when her husband came home at the end of February in 1912, to inform them that he was part of a group of men who had been asked to travel to America for a business deal, Clara willingly packed up the family to leave on the Titanic.

They left London on the ninth and stayed with her friends in Southampton that evening and early the next day for the docks. When they arrived to the docks, it was a mob scene. Hundreds of people were swarmed around the massive ship that towered above them and they were all there just to see the ship in her glory.

"This is incredible," Clara said as she looked out of the window of the car.

"Grandest ship built to date," her husband commented, "And the safest, she has been deemed the unsinkable ship for a reason."

Clara glanced at her husband then looked to the child who was sitting in her lap, "Look Benji my love," she said, "Is that not lovely?"

The child peered out of the window and beamed at his mother, "Mummy it is so big!"

"Yes my love, it is the biggest ship ever!" Clara smiled as she shared a glance with her son's governess.

It was then that the car came to a stop and her husband quickly hopped out of the car. Within seconds he was at Clara's door, opening it for her.

"Thank you David," she said to him. Clara took his offered hand and stepped out of the vehicle and then Benjamin jumped out of the car behind his mother. "Stay close to me, darling," Clara said to her son, "I do not want to lose you in this crowd."

"Yes mummy," the little boy's hand slipped into his mother's gloved one and he followed his parents through the crowd and towards the gang plank.

"Is it true David?" Clara asked as she followed her husband up towards the entrance of the ship, "Can something really be unsinkable?"

"Well Clara, that is what the papers said so it must be true!" He flashed a smile at her just before he stepped inside the ship.

"Names please?" the officer at the entrance asked.

"Mr. David and Clara Moore, here are our papers, I think you will find everything is in order."

There was a moment of rustling as the man read through over everything and then he gave directions on how they could find their room, "And this steward here will help you with your things," he nodded towards a waiting man and gave a polite nod to Clara as they continued through into the ship.

"Look at this interior," Clara said in awe as her eyes swept over the wood panels and then down to the plush carpets, "It is even better than I could have thought."

The family made their way past other families and finally they approached a gleaming wooden door. David turned the brass handle and the door swung in to reveal a gorgeous state room.

"Wow!" Benjamin shouted before pulling his hand from his mother's and running into the room.

"Benjamin my darling," Clara quickly followed her son with the governess following quickly behind, "You know how I feel about running inside!"

"But mummy it is a ship not home!" Benjamin protested as his governess picked him up.

"All the same Benji, we will be living in this space for the next few days so you shall treat it as if we are at home. When we walk the decks then you may play as if you are outside, do you understand me?" Clara fixed her son with a stern look as luggage was rolled into the room around them.

"Yes mummy," he said.

"Thank you, now go with Esther and she will help you get settled. We will unpack, change out of our traveling suits, and perhaps journey up to the decks to say goodbye to England. Okay?"

"Okay!" Benjamin said as Esther set him down on the ground. He took the woman's hand, smiled at his mother, and followed Esther into another room.

"If there is one thing I can always say about you Clara," David began.

Clara turned her gaze from her son to her husband, "What would that be?"

"You were born to be a mother. The way you handle him will forever baffle me," David said.

Clara gave a small shrug, "It is mother's intuition I should think," she moved over to her steamer trunk, she carefully removed her hat and set it on top of the trunk.

"Well whatever it is, I think that is what you will always be remembered for," David gave a brief smile, "Now I am going to meet up with some of the chaps from work. I am sure their wives will join you eventually and you ladies can take in afternoon tea or something."

"Oh yes, of course," this time the smile Clara flashed was forced, because it embarrassed her that they had barely arrived, let alone settled, and David was running off to see his friends, "I shall see you in a bit, darling."

David did not respond and instead headed out of the room.

"Mrs. Moore, where would you like these things?" the men with the luggage asked.

Over the next hour, Clara directed the men where all of their luggage should go and was soon ready and settled in for the trip.

"Mrs. Moore?"

Clara turned to see Ethel entering the room with Benjamin, "It is very nearly noon and I thought Benjamin would quite like seeing the ship off."

"Oh yes, we must go and say goodbye!" Clara smiled, "Let us go up there now." She took her son by the hand and the two women left the room and headed for the deck.

There was so much going on when they reached the outside Crew members were running about and preparing things for departure, couples were leaning over the sides of the ship, both young and old, for a last glimpse of England.

"Mummy, there are so many people!" Benjamin said in an awestruck voice.

Clara reached down and picked her son up, "Yes there is! Some of these people are going to America for a new life and a chance to start over, some are returning to their homes, some are visiting friends and family, and some are just sailing so that they can say they were on the Titanic." She placed a gentle kiss on the boy's cheek, "This is history my sweet boy and we can say we were there."

"Can I see the water?" he asked.

"Of course." Clara slowly carried her son over to the edge of the ship and held onto him tightly as he glanced down into the water below.

"It is so dark and deep!" the child commented.

Clara laughed, "Well it is the ocean."

"Wow!"

Before Clara could respond they felt a shudder beneath their feet. She looked around for the source, "Oh we are moving!" she declared, "Quick my darling, wave goodbye!"

The mother and son raised their hands and waved over the side of the ship down to the people still on the decks below.

"Look mummy, they are all getting so tiny like little ants!" Benjamin cried.

"Yes they are!" Clara agreed.

Benjamin kept his eyes glued to the scene before him until they could no longer see any traces of Southampton, "Mummy, can I have something to eat?"

"Yes darling." Clara stepped away from the railing and together the mother, son, and governess headed back inside.

Many things went through Clara's mind as they walked through the halls. She thought on her marriage and what she could do to make her husband take notice of her again, she thought of the trip and how long they would be in America, and most of all she hoped that if anything, she could find something worth being excited about on this journey.

xx


	2. Don't Cry Over Spilled Tea

Chapter 2

Don't Cry Over Spilled Tea

"Benjamin, you behave for Esther and your mummy will see you in a bit, okay?"

"Yes mummy."

"We will return after tea, but please send for me if you need me." Clara stood to her full height smiled at the governess and then disappeared out of the stateroom.

In the hallway she met up with the wives of her husband's coworkers, "I keep telling Robert that I just can not believe how incredible this ship is. The genius of it all, oh I just get shivers thinking about it," one of the women said as they all began to walk.

Clara smiled, "Naomi, your adoration of the Titanic is quite charming."

"Oh I can not help it I suppose, I love seeing what man invents with the talents given to him by God," Naomi gave a slight shrug and smiled back at Clara.

"Oh just look at this."

Clara and Naomi were drawn from their discussion to view what their companion, Hope, was looking at. The three women had finally approached the Cafe Parisien where their husbands were waiting for them.

"Hello David." Clara pulled away from her friends and took her husband's offered arm.

"Did you and Benjamin enjoy the departure?" David asked as they all walked into the Cafe.

"Oh yes, he loved seeing the people become so small that they looked like ants," Clara gave a gentle laugh.

"That is children for you," Naomi's husband, Robert, said.

Naomi looked at her husband and shook her head, "You say that as if you know but you are an only child and we do not have any yet!" she had a laugh to her voice however.

"Oh having children is just the greatest. I hope you two get to share our joy soon." Clara was practically grinning but when she looked back to David and saw that he had completely no interest in the conversation, her smile dropped from her face.

The three couples were seated at a table in the restaurant where they dined on a light meal and the men discussed the trip and what they had to achieve while in America. Clara knew as a wife her opinion was only required when asked so she usually allowed this meal time to either talk quietly to her friends or to look around and take in her surroundings. Growing up she had learned quickly that you only spoke when you were called upon and so as a child she would let her mind run rampant. She knew she could learn things from the people and things around her and it usually benefited her in the end.

Clara currently had half of her attention on what Naomi and Hope were quietly discussing and the other half was on a table that an elderly man was seated at. He was talking to a few other people at his table and then she saw his attention go to some men who entered the room.

"Captain Smith, I am finalizing the details on the route and currently we are on track to be in France on time but I would like it if you would come and look over what Officer Boxhall and I have mapped out."

"Of course Officer Pittman." The captain rose, "It has been a pleasure to enjoy this meal with you but I must return to the bridge now, where I am needed."

"Of course EJ of course," the men at the table all said.

"Grab my tea so it does not go to waste, Pittman," they heard the captain say.

It was at that moment that a young stewardess came up to the table, "Mrs. Moore?"

Clara dabbed at her mouth with the napkin and looked up, "Yes?"

"Your governess Esther sent for me. She said to tell you that Benjamin is being quite difficult to go down for his nap," the stewardess said.

"Oh, I will be right there. Thank you." Clara turned to face the table, "I have to go, Benjamin needs me."

"Is this not what we pay a governess for?" David asked, giving his wife an annoyed look.

"I know David, but if our son needs me he needs me," Clara stood up, "You ladies must forgive me and I will see you at supper."

She turned quickly to leave and right at that exact moment she collided with a man who was holding a pot of tea; a very hot pot of tea.

"Oh God, excuse me!" the man, who Clara realized was the officer who was with the captain.

"Clara!" Her friends jumped up and rushed to he side, "Are you alright?" the women asked, "You have tea all down your front."

Everyone looked at the tea stain on her dress, "Yes, I am fine," Clara grimaced, "I have had worse. I best go and change."

"Please miss," the captain gently interrupted, "You should go and check in with the ships doctor to ensure you do not have any serious burns."

Now David was at her side, "The captain is right, Clara. Come along."

"Oh please, no one needs to make such a fuss about me!" Clara protested, "I will be okay."

"Ma'am I am just so sorry," the officer was repeating.

"Please, it is fine! I am a mother, I get things spilled on me all the time!" she replied.

"All the same Clara, come along." David's hand was on Clara's arm and she knew at this point there was nothing more she could do.

"Hope, can you please go to our suite and tell Esther what has happened?" Clara asked as they began to walk away from the scene.

"Oh yes of course," Hope replied.

"Come along Pittman," the captain said, he tipped his hat the women, "Good day ladies."

The minute the two men walked away, Hope was making her excuses and she was on her way to check on Benjamin and Esther.

"Really David, I am fine!" Clara laughed, "There is no reason to make such a fuss!"

"That tea was incredibly hot, Clara. Just indulge me and allow a man to look you over."

"Very well," Clara shrugged as they continued to walk.

Once she was in the infirmary, Clara began to explain to the doctor what had happened and he looked her over. After close to an hour, Clara emerged.

"Well?" David asked.

"It was very minor. He put some cold compresses on my skin and then bandaged it up. I have to check back in the morning, but I will be fine," Clara answered.

"Okay," David took his wife by the arm and the couple headed back for the infirmary.

Clara gave a laugh as they walked, "You know what my grandfather would have said about something like that?"

"What is that?" David asked.

"He would say something bad happening like that on the first day of a trip like this was a bad omen." Clara was smiling, "But grandfather was always the superstitious type."

"This little thing was just a fluke," David gave his wife the first genuine smile in a long time, "Everything is going to be fine, okay?"

"I know darling," Clara returned the smile.

Within a few minutes they were back at the suite, Hope and Esther were both sitting on the sofa in the living area.

"Clara!" Hope whispered, "How was it?"

Clara shrugged, "Mild burn which he put cold compresses on to prevent swelling and he bandaged me up. Good as new," she responded, "Did Benji finally sleep?"

"Yes ma'am," Esther said, "He was very upset that you were not here but he eventually cried himself to the point of utter exhaustion."

"Oh my poor little love," Clara said, "I think I will join him in a brief nap. Make sure I am up with enough time to prepare for supper," she said.

"Yes ma'am," Esther replied.

Clara nodded, "Thank you Hope for staying. I will see you in a bit."

"Of course darling," Hope kissed her friend on the cheek and then left the room.

"I am going to meet up with the other men to discuss our plans some more. I will see you at supper," David told his wife.

"Okay."

David nodded at Esther and then walked out of the room without saying another word to his wife.

Clara sighed heavily and then moved to her sons bedroom. She checked in on him, saw he was sound asleep, and then moved to her own room. Esther helped her to change and then Clara settled into the bed, her hand gently resting over her bandaged abdomen. Once more that day she heard her grandfather's voice in her head, "_Clara, if something ever happens when you are traveling. Whether by train, ship, or carriage, if something happens where someone is injured on the first day of the trip...it is a bad sign. Only bad things will follow from there. You get out of there and you stay away from that bad omen otherwise you will only regret it." _But instead of allowing herself to read into these things too deeply, Clara instead fell asleep, knowing that anything that happened would always be in God's hands

xx

**A/N- Okay okay...I know that this was FAR too short and it took me forever to write...for the last three days I have been working on final projects because next week is the last week of school...I was up till 2 am the other night writing a paper that wound up being 21 pages long...yeah...Then I've been closing and I had to go into a store two days in a row that was a disaster site...so I was at work super late cleaning, both nights. BLAH**

**Anyways, big props to everyone who has reviewed. Please be patient with me as I work on updates as I have since gained a management position since the last time I wrote Titanic fanfic so shifts are longer and harder...and usually far too late into the evening. I will try to have an update for you by Wednesday.**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing and please continue to leave me reviews as they serve as my encouragement. Thank you again, one hundred thousand times over, your devoted author; Beccs. **


	3. Fate and Destiny

Chapter 3

Fate and Destiny

That evening, Clara and David dined in the first class dining saloon with their friends and a few other passengers.

"I just can not get over the trouble you get yourself into, Clara!" someone at the table said in response to Clara's story about the incident with the tea.

"Well Clara has not always been the most graceful of types," David said, smiling.

Clara looked at David but said nothing more about her grace, or lack there of.

"Oh hello Captain Smith!" a voice from the head of the table called.

Clara and everyone turned to see the captain standing behind them.

"Hello everyone!" he greeted, "I just came over here to check on Mrs. Moore."

Clara smiled, "Oh I assures you sir, I am completely fine."

"Well I just wanted to be sure. Your assailant is absolutely mortified," the captain chuckled.

Clara smiled, "Oh it was just an accident, I do not want him to be upset on my behalf."

"All the same," the captain began, "I would like to offer you and your family, as a consolation for the accident, a tour of the bridge and ship tomorrow."

Clara opened her mouth to reply but David beat her to it, "Thank you Captain, that would be wonderful."

"Very good, tomorrow morning after breakfast," the captain nodded at David then looked to the table, "Now I will not bother you any further, enjoy your supper."

A chorus of "Thank you's," came from the people at the table.

"Wow," someone near David said after the captain had gone, "What a lovely fellow."

The diners all continued chatting and laughing, enjoying life, the meal, and the wonder of the Titanic. After Clara and David were done eating, David escorted his wife back to the suite.

"I will be heading back to the smoking room if you need anything," David told her.

Clara nodded, then glanced and after making sure Esther or Benjamin were not in earshot she asked, "Should I expect you tonight?"

David stared at his wife for a moment, "Go to bed, Clara."

Clara gave a curt nod of her head, "Goodnight David."

He turned without another word and left his wife, still standing in the doorway, feeling completely alone and just a bit confused.

"Mrs. Moore, are you alright?"

Clara turned to see Esther and quickly brushed away a tear that she did not know she had shed, "Yes I am fine. Thank you. I need help getting changed."

She quickly moved past the governess and headed into her room. Esther followed Clara and said nothing as she helped the girl out of her fine dresses and into a nightgown. Clara slipped on her dressing gown and left the room to slip into Benjamin's room.

"Are you still up, my little love?" Clara asked quietly.

"Yes mummy," Benjamin replied, "I wanted to wait for you."

Very carefully, she sat down on the side of the bed, "Have you had an okay first day on the ship?" she asked.

"I have, but I missed you earlier. Why did you not come?" Benjamin asked in his small voice.

"Well your mummy had to go visit the doctor. I hurt myself but I'm perfectly fine now, but your daddy wanted me to get looked at, just to be safe," she explained.

"Oh," Benjamin said. He furrowed his brown, as if he was thinking about what his mother had just said.

"When will we be off the ship?" he asked next.

Clara gave a small shrug, "In a few days, my darling." She looked at the quilt that covered her son and spread it out on the sides where the blanket had turned up, "Now go to bed my little love, we have a tour in the morning so you should get some rest, as should your mummy."

"Okay mummy," Benjamin said. Clara stood up and watched her child turn over on his side and after a moment, she dimmed the lights in the room and quietly let herself out.

"How are your wounds doing tonight, ma'am?" Esther asked as Clara entered the living suite.

Clara carefully lowered herself into a chair, "They feel fine, I hardly notice."

"Well I will wake you with enough time in the morning for the doctor to come by and change the bandages and in the meantime, we'll keep the corset's a little less tight," Esther said.

Clara gave the girl a small smile, "Thank you." She sighed and looked around the room, "I miss my husband," she said quietly.

"Sorry ma'am?" Esther looked up from what she was doing, not sure if she was supposed to of heard what Clara had said.

Clara however, hardly seemed to notice or care, "When Mr. Moore and I were married, we were so happy and everything was bliss. Of course there were the struggles with me being able to have a baby," she paused and looked at the girl, "That was before you came to work for us, but I'm sure the household staff told you about it. I know they whisper and talk but they are so kind to me." Clara shrugged and continued, "Then after my darling boy was born, for a month after that, everything seemed to be fine still. We were just as happy as could be, then Benjamin was christened and since then...it has been nothing. For the last few years, my husband has gone farther and farther away from me and I just...I have no idea what to think but I fear that somewhere, I have failed him as a wife."

"Oh ma'am," Esther said quietly.

It was at that second that Clara seemed to realize everything that had come out of her mouth and her eyes went wide, "Esther, you are not to repeat a word of that, ever. Do you understand?

"Yes ma'am, of course!"

Clara got to her feet, "Goodnight Esther," and she disappeared into her suite.

The next morning, Clara woke up to the sounds of a knock on her door.

"Clara, the doctor is here," came the voice, but it was not Esther but instead it was her husband.

Clara stood to her feet, put on her dressing gown and opened the door, "Hello," she greeted.

"Hello Mrs. Moore," the doctor came into the room, "I would just like to check your burns, put some fresh ointment on it, and clean bandages," the man explained.

"Yes of course, thank you," Clara said, she looked to David, as if asking if he would come in but all he said was; "We are eating breakfast on our promenade deck this morning. Do hurry so we are not late for our meeting with the captain."

She watched her husband close the bedroom door and sighed sadly before sitting down on the side of the bed.

"Did the burns cause you any discomfort?" the doctor asked as he pulled some items out of his bag.

Clara shook her head, "I only noticed when I was dressing or if I bent over, but it really has not been that awful."

"That is good then, of course no pain at all would be much better but that is the nature of that," he smiled at her.

Clara was quiet as the doctor administered the medicine and clean bandages and when he was done she did feel quite a bit better. He left the room and Esther entered to help Clara dress. Clara's hair was piled up onto her head, with only a few small brown ringlets around her ears. She wore a lavender colored gown that morning, perfect for the spring air that they would experience up on the deck. There were lace sleeves on the gown but Clara grabbed a shawl just in case.

It was a quiet breakfast that morning and Clara was never happier to get out of the room, with Benjamin's small hand laced with hers. The family walked up to the decks together and headed in the direction of the bridge (with assistance of an officer,) and at the foot of the steps that lead up to the bridge, the captain was waiting.

"Good morning captain," David greeted.

"Ah Mr. Moore," the captain smiled his warm smile again and instantly Clara was filled with her usual hope and joy for the day, "Right on time," he said.

The captain took his hat off in greeting to Clara, "Good morning, Mrs. Moore." Then his eyes fell on Benjamin and he bent down to the child's height, "And you must be the young gentleman of the house."

"Yes sir," Benjamin said, grinning widely.

"Well it is truly an honor to meet you," the captain smiled then returned to his full height, "Well, right this way."

The family followed the captain up the steps and into the bridge. Clara's eyes instantly began to roam around the room and take in all of the detail.

"Mummy!" Benjamin whispered, pulling on his mothers hands, "Look at the wheels!"

Clara followed where her son was pointing and she saw the two giant wheels in the middle of the room, one of which had someone stationed at it. The wood on it was shiny and gorgeous, still with the look of being brand new, which of course, it was. She listened in one ear as the captain began to explain the room to David and Benjamin. She noticed out of the corner of her eye two officers enter the room who were talking quietly.

Clara stepped to the side to avoid being in their path but the one officer had the same idea and moved in the same direction and for the second time during that trip, she collided with an officer.

"Oh God I am a mess," the officer cried.

Clara had staggered back but she was otherwise unharmed. "Oh it is fine," she said, looking down at her gown to make sure it was okay. She looked up at the officer who was staring at her in horror, "What are the chances that I bump into, literally, the same woman twice?"

It took Clara a moment and then she realized, it was the same officer from the day before. "Oh my goodness," she began to laugh then, "That would have to be fate or something," she said.

"Really captain, your officers need to watch where they are going," David said in an annoyed voice.

Clara looked at her husband, "Oh no David, it is my fault. Completely," she tried to keep a straight face but she was still laughing.

"I am sorry ma'am, truly. I came by the infirmary yesterday to offer my deepest apologies but the doctor said you had already gone. I did not think it would be appropriate after that if I sought you out. I am truly very sorry though," the officer said.

"Please, do not apologize!" Clara said, "I am fine, I promise."

"Well just so long as you are okay then," the officer said.

"Yes, thank you Officer..." she trailed off, giving him a chance to fill in the rest with his name.

"Ah Pittman, ma'am," he took his hat off in salute to her and her family, "It is nice to meet all of you," he offered his hand to her husband who shook it.

"Run along now Pittman and try to not run into more passengers," the captain said.

"Yes sir, have a good day," he told the family before leaving, followed closely by another officer.

"Anyway, as I was saying," the captain began and again he had David and Benjamin's attention.

For the next hour they toured the general area and then they were introduced to Thomas Andrews who took them for a tour through the rest of the ship. Clara particularly liked Mr. Andrews and thought he was a very kind and gentle man with a knack for being a perfectionist, which was endearing to her. But for the rest of the tour, Clara had her mind on that officer and what it all meant. She always had believed that God worked in funny ways and she wondered now if God was playing a trick on her, by making her cross path's twice with this man. That was always how she knew David was the one she was meant to marry, because she constantly ran into him around the city when she was out shopping with her mother or aunt. What this incident meant now however, she had absolutely no idea and she was not sure if she wanted to find out; because finding out would lead to things that would cause people to whisper, even if her intentions were purely innocent.

At last the tour was over and the family left to meet with their friends and dine together. While the men talked, Clara resolved that she would discuss the events with her friends and get their input on the situation, but as they walked to the dining saloon, she couldn't help but notice the very same officer in the distance, working or talking to passengers, and that boggled her mind further.

Xx

A/N- whoo long chapter! Gosh I hope that ending brought things together and sounded like I wanted it to. I hope you all liked this chapter and if you do, you'll review, because that's what cool people do. I have to go shower and get ready for work...so leave me love. :)


	4. Hearts a Mess

Chapter 4

Hearts a Mess

Clara's friends didn't seem to think much about her accident with Officer Pittman.

"It was a coincidence," Naomi said with a wave of her hand, "The ship is big, yes, but when you are practically walking through his office, it is bound to happen."

"I suppose," Clara shrugged, "It just seemed like something more to it, but I suppose I have always read too deeply into things."

"Clara," Hope began, "As your oldest friend, I can honestly say a description about you has never been truer."

Clara stared at her friend and then the three women began to laugh. "I am so happy to have you two with me on this trip," Clara said, "I think I would be completely alone otherwise."

"Well Clara, we are certainly glad to keep you company as well," Hope smiled at her friend.

After the meal, the three women parted from their husbands and took a stroll around the deck. The day went by without much happening. The ladies stayed together, met up with Esther and Benjamin and they had an agreeable day on the deck, watching Clara's little boy play with his toys. The weather was quite incredible for that time of the year and despite being out on the ocean, no one was really uncomfortable from the temperature.

"May I ask you all a question that we can keep in the utmost secrecy?" Clara asked as they sat down on a bench.

"Of course Clara," Hope and Naomi replied.

"In the course of your marriage, have your husbands pulled away or anything like that?" Clara spoke slowly and tentatively.

Hope and Naomi exchanged looks with each other and then Hope spoke, "Well in what way?"

"I guess, emotionally?" Clara shrugged, "We used to be so close, David and I, and after Benjamin was born he slowly pulled away and is now completely lost to me. He never seems to care about me or how I feel."

"Clara, he is your husband and as far as he is concerned, once you gave him a child, nothing else really mattered," Hope said, "I know it is hard for you because you genuinely fell in love with your husband but that is likely the case." She paused, "Please do not think I am cruel, but I have heard your story from so many other women. A marriage where the man and woman both truly love each other are often left to novels."

"So, you think it was all just an act until I gave him a child?" Clara asked.

"I did not say that," Hope answered, frowning.

"I guess that is just the nature of things." Clara shrugged, "But there has to be more to it all than relying on your emotional needs to be fulfilled by your children."

"We are women and that is just the hand we were dealt in life," Naomi said, matter-of-factly.

The two women looked at Naomi, "Are you speaking in poker terms?" Hope asked, a small smile tearing at her lips.

"My daughter's nanny plays games with the cooks at home and I walked in on a game in the kitchen one evening. My mouth was parched and I needed water, the next thing I knew, I was in the game," Naomi was laughing, "It is quite thrilling!"

"What would you do if your husband were to walk in on that?!" Clara asked.

"I think he would join in!" Naomi giggled.

"That would be quite the site," Clara mused, but there was still the tinge of hurt and bitterness in her voice. She wondered if her husband really had abandoned real thought or care for her once their son was born.

Eventually she gathered up Benjamin and she went with Esther back to the stateroom. They cleaned Clara's son up and then Clara herself began to prepare for supper. That evening Clara wore her hair up in a bun with jewels wrapped around it and a dark green dinner gown. It was tight but modest on the woman and a light train followed the gown. She chose this gown in particular because it had always been one of David's favorites. Her brown eyes shone with the dress and the way her makeup had been done to just perfectly frame her face.

In the living room, David was waiting in his usual black suit. His eyes took in his wife and he nodded, "You look very lovely Clara. We are to be having supper with the captain and a few of his friends tonight."

"Really?" Clara asked as she slipped her hands into gloves, "Why is that?"

"We were invited. He seems quite taken with us I suppose," David shrugged it off, "We should be going though."

Clara nodded and turned to face her son, "Darling behave and we will see you in just a bit."

"Yes mummy," Benjamin answered.

As the couple left and walked down the grand staircase with other young couples, Clara's ears heard the faint strain of a Barcarole coming from the dining room, "Oh I love this song," she sighed happily.

"Mmm," David seemed to be listening, "This particular arrangement was played at our wedding."

Clara's eyes gleamed, "You remember?"

"I am not completely useless," David pointed out.

"I never said you were useless," Clara's smiled turned quickly to a frown.

David did not have a chance to respond because then Robert and Naomi walked up with an older woman beside them.

"Hello Robert," David said, his eyes fell on the woman, "Madam," he gave a slight bow.

"Oh none of those formalities!" the woman, who was clearly an American said, "We're all friends here, not royalty," she paused, "Well, some of them might be a royal!"

"I do not believe we have met," Clara said.

"Oh Clara," Naomi began, "This is Mrs. Brown of America! She knows the Astor's who are of course, old friends of my father."

"Please," Mrs. Brown began, "Call me Molly!"

"Well it is a pleasure to meet you. My name is Clara Moore," Clara said, smiling.

"And you too!" Molly replied.

"When did you board? I do not recall seeing you at supper last night," Clara began, looking between Molly and her friends.

"Oh I arrived last night when the ship docked in France. I took a late supper in my stateroom," Molly explained, "But enough about me and all of this jaw wagging, I need to go find JJ and Madeline. I am sure that I will see you all in there. It was so nice to meet you!"

"Yes of course, enjoy your evening," David said, who spoke for the first time since they first ran into Robert, Naomi, and Mrs. Brown,.

"We will see you in there," Naomi told Molly and the two women smiled at each other.

Then Naomi looked to Clara and David, "Are you two joining us at our table again?"

"No actually," David began, "Robert old man, I will see you in the smoking room but we are going to have supper with the Captain and a few of his friends."

"Alright then, enjoy it," Robert shook David's hand and then he headed for the dining room with Naomi.

Clara watched her friend go and then she allowed herself to be guided by her husband. Once they were seated and the waiters began to disperse throughout the room, the music silenced since the band was not to play during the actual meal times, which Clara thought was actually a shame, because she really enjoyed listening to them play. When the Captain arrived at the table, they all stood up out of respect until he was seated. With them was Thomas Andrews, who Clara was very pleased to see, then Bruce Ismay and several others who represented Harland and Wolff.

The meal was enjoyable at best, but really Clara only found joy in the Captain and Mr. Andrews company. The men from Harland Wolff paid her no mind and then Mr. Ismay was rude at best. He and David however, seemed to get along. They discussed the business side of the White Star Line and how things like the Titanic even came to be, but Clara was reminded me of a very annoying bug when she looked at Mr. Ismay, one that she felt had to be smacked away instantly.

"So, any other children in the future for you?" Captain Smith asked, his kind eyes twinkling as he asked the Moore's.

"I would love to, but-" Clara began, however David cut her off. "But it is very unlikely. We were quite lucky to get the one."

"Oh and why is that?" the captain asked.

"Well Clara had quite a time of it even carrying children. Benjamin was the fourth one we attempted, Clara lost all the others," David explained.

Clara's face had gone white, discussing her lost babies was not something she really enjoyed, "David," she whispered quietly, "I do not want to talk about this."

"Clara, it is fine," David said, giving her a strange look, like he could not quite understand. His attention turned back to the other men, "I tell you, it was quite a disappointment every time. I could not understand where the failure was coming from," he took a sip of his drink, "I could not even believe it when she finally did bring our son into the world."

"David," Clara pleaded, "Please!"

"Mrs. Moore," Mr. Andrews began quietly, "Are you okay?"

"Clara cut it out," David said, giving her yet another look, "You are overreacting."

"I hardly find not wanting to talk about my apparent failures to bring healthy children into this world an overreaction," Clara had tears in her eyes which were now red rimmed. She grabbed her napkin and dabbed at her mouth, "If you will excuse me gentlemen," she said, standing up, "I need to get some air."

Everyone watched her go and it was the Captain who spoke first, "Oh I feel quite awful."

"Oh do not feel bad Edward," David said, "She just gets like that."

"Do you not think it would be more prudent if you went to check on her?" Mr. Andrews began, "She is your wife after all."

"Oh she will calm down after a bit and come back in, I am not worried," David shrugged.

"Quite right," Mr. Ismay said, "It is not a man's place to go chasing after women when they get emotional like that."

Clara tried to keep her emotions to herself as she rushed up the stairs towards the door, but when she finally reached the deck of the ship, she could hardly breathe from how hard she was crying. David had never talked about the miscarriages and still-born babies in such a nonchalant manner like that before, he had always known that it upset her to think about it and respected the rule in the house to not mention it.

Clara rushed to the cold railing of the ship and held onto it tightly. She had left her gloves at the table but she did not even notice the icy feeling beneath her fingers. If anything, she hoped it would calm her down. Of all the years they had been married, Clara had never witnessed or heard David be so cruel about what she had endured. She was completely still for a long time, the only sounds that Clara heard was her own heavy breathing, slowly returning to normal. Her eyes were red and tired, she was quite sure if someone were to approach her now, she would look like quite the sight, but she didn't care. She kept her eyes open and scanned the black and dark ocean.

At the sound of footsteps approaching, just a moment later, Clara closed her eyes and rubbed at them with her hands, hoping to hide any sign of her current emotional state.

"Miss?" a voice asked gently.

Clara turned and opened her eyes to see the man from the bridge, the same one who had spilled tea on her, "Oh hello," she answered, forcing a smile.

"Oh Mrs. Moore, right?" Pittman smiled for a brief second at his luck in seeing the woman for a third time, but his smile quickly dropped when he saw how red her eyes were and the streaked makeup, "Are you alright?"

She nodded, a little too eagerly, "Quite alright, thank you." Clara shivered as she spoke, the cold finally catching up with her.

"Well forgive me for saying so, but you do not look or sound alright," Pittman replied.

Clara laughed nervously, "Really I am fine. I am always fine," she shivered again.

He noticed and frowned further, "Do you plan on being out here for long?"

She looked towards the door and the thought of going back to dinner or to her husband right now was not something she wanted to do. Gently she gave a nod of her head.

"Well here at least take this." Before Clara could protest, Pittman had taken his coat off and wrapped it around her icy shoulders. Instantly she felt a bit better with the wool around her body, which was already warm from Pittman's body heat.

"Oh sir, I could not. It would not be appropriate," she said.

"No, it would not be appropriate if I saw a woman who is upset as it is, walking around and battling the odds of getting sick, which right now the odds are not in your favor. I will be fine but you have more skin exposed than I do," he explained.

Clara blushed and that was the first real sign of color in her cheeks since she had come outside. "What is your name?" she asked, "Your Christian name that is."

"Ah Herbert," he answered and he smiled that she had seemed to abandon the idea of fighting with him over the coat.

"Then call me Clara," she said.

"So Clara," he began, "Are you going to tell me what has you so shaken?"

Clara moved away from the railing of the ship and walked up a step and shrugged, "My husband began talking in a careless matter about the amount of times I was pregnant and lost babies before my Benjamin came along." She knew full well that this man was a stranger and a member of the ship's crew no less, but as far as Clara was concerned she would likely never see him again and they had already passed the boundaries of "appropriate." Clara looked at Herbert and gave a bitter laugh, "He has never spoken about it at home because he knows how much it upsets me. Tonight he started and when I asked him to stop, he brushed me off like my emotions and feelings over my dead children were pointless."

Hebert stared at the woman in shock and horror. He knew if it was his children and his wife, the last thing he would do would be to talk about it, especially if it upset her as badly as it clearly did. "I am so sorry-" He began.

"You can not control David, so why apologize for him?" Clara asked, looking at him.

"Well I am sorry for your husband's behavior but I am even more sorry for your loss. No one should have to endure the loss of children like that."

She stared at him in amazement, no one, not even her parents had ever made Clara feel justified in mourning or referred to the children as if they had lived lives and then were taken from her. It had always been a time of disappointment, rest for the sick mother, and then life moved on for her family, where as Clara's soul was still left behind with her lost babies. "Thank you," Clara said quietly.

There was a very long silence between the two and then Clara heard the music coming from the dining hall, signaling that supper was over. "I should go," she began, "Benjamin will be going to sleep soon and he will be looking for me."

"Let me at least make sure you get back okay," Herbert offered.

Clara nodded, "Okay."

The two walked back to the door and he opened it, allowing Clara to enter first. They were quiet as they walked past the dining saloon where people were still seated and talking, and then down the hall way. As they walked, Herbert could not help himself but to look at the young woman before him. She was absolutely stunning in his opinion, her hair was a mess and falling down, but to him it added to the woman's beauty. Her skin started to regain color when they reached the warmth of the halls and he noticed how warmly colored her eyes were. He was just noticing her porcelain complexion when she stopped and turned to face him, "This is my room. Thank you very much," she said, "For seeing to my safety."

"Of course," he took his hat off and gave a polite bow, "If you need anything else for the rest of the trip, please do not hesitate to come find me."

"Thank you Herbert," she smiled at him and then quickly entered the state room.

He stared as the door closed behind him and quietly, slowly, Herbert Pittman began to walk away from the door of the room to a woman, that he was quite sure, he was completely infatuated with

**xx**

**A/N- You know the drill. I'm going to be late for work so I have to go. Please let me know what you think! God, David is such a twat, isn't he? **


	5. Who'd Have Known?

Chapter 5

Who'd Have Known?

It was not until after Clara had gotten Benjamin into bed and she went into her own room to prepare for sleep, that she realized she was still wearing Herbert's coat.

"Where did this come from, miss?" Esther asked as she helped Clara out of it.

"Oh uhm," Clara shrugged, "I went up to the deck without my coat and an officer gave it to me. I completely forgot I was wearing it."

"Would you like me to make sure it gets back to him?" Esther asked.

Clara shook her head, "No, I will return it myself, thank you."

If Clara had been facing Esther, she would have seen the look that the young woman was giving her employer. Instead, Esther stayed quiet and began to take down the remainder of Clara's pinned up curls. "It would seem you had quite a night," Esther stated quietly.

"I just," Clara shrugged, "David upset me at the dinner table and I took off immediately."

Esther was just about to help Clara out of her dress when they heard a gentle knocking on the stateroom door.

"Perhaps it is the Officer looking for his coat," Esther offered before leaving the room.

Clara's heart jumped at the idea of Pittman being back again. She quietly followed Esther and stood to the side, out of view, as Esther opened the door.

"Yes, is Mrs. Moore available?" The voice was Irish and kind, and Clara quickly stepped into the doorway to see Mr. Andrews on the other side.

"Oh, hello Mr. Andrews," she smiled brightly, "What brings you here?"

Mr. Andrews took in the sight of the young woman, as if making sure she was physically okay and then gave her a gentle smile, "Well your husband took off in such a rush and I realized your things were still in your seat. When you did not come back for them I wanted to make sure they got to you alright." In Thomas' hands were her gloves and a small beaded bag.

Clara took her possessions and smiled, "Thank you so much. I apologize for running off like that I just," she shrugged, "It was not a healthy conversation for me."

He nodded at her, "Absolutely and I am very sorry for any upset or painful memories it caused you. I have a baby girl and I know if something happened to her, I would not want to discuss it."

Clara sighed wistfully, "I love little girls. They are just the sweetest little things. You must treasure her."

"Everyday," Mr. Andrews smiled again, "I miss her and my wife very much."

"Well thank you again, Mr. Andrews. I truly appreciate the effort you went through to get these back to me."

"You are welcome, Mrs. Moore."

The two said goodnight and after closing the door, the women returned to Clara's bedroom. Soon enough, Clara was in her night gown for the evening and she was propped up in her bed. Esther was back in her room asleep and despite feeling exhausted from crying, Clara could not fall asleep. She stared over at Pittman's coat, which was hanging on the door of her wardrobe, and she wondered again, what had brought that man into her path. Why, of all the people on the ship, it was him who found her and made sure she was okay. Of course, she wasn't okay and the thoughts of her babies still danced in her head. Clara glanced over to her nightstand and took a small framed photo into her hands, one that had been taken shortly after Benjamin had been born. She and David looked happy in the photo and Benjamin was just a small thing in her arms, sleeping soundly.

Clara set the picture down and gently rubbed at her eyes, the thought racing through her mind, "_What have I done to him? What has changed between us?" _Eventually, she did fall into a very restless sleep, where she tossed and turned all night long. At quarter to six she woke up with a start, she had dreamed that someone had tried to take Benjamin away from her. Clara threw the blankets off of her and quietly slipped out of her room and into her sons. The little boy's brown hair was sticking up from under the blankets. His chest rose and fell in a steady motion; he was okay.

Clara returned to her room and once again, she could not sleep. She stared at the coat, still hanging on her door, and wondered if Pittman would be up. She went to her wardrobe, found a dress and began to prepare herself for the morning. Carefully she brushed out her long curls and put a clip in to just keep it out of her face. Clara expertly applied her own makeup and she put on her coat, slung Herbert's coat over her arm, and she very quietly slipped out of the suite.

Everything was still so quiet in the halls that morning and it was the first real sense of peace Clara had experienced since they boarded the ship. The sun was still climbing in the sky when she reached the deck and Clara stood in awe for a moment, just staring at the sky around her. She smiled to herself before heading down the deck, towards the bridge. No one was at the stairs to the bridge to stop her from climbing them and it was only until she approached the wheel room, that Clara saw another soul.

"Hello?" she asked gently.

The man at the wheel turned to look at her and an Officer approached her, "Yes ma'am?"

"I was looking for Officer Pittman," she began, "He loaned his coat to me when I had lost mine. I wanted to return it to him, personally."

"Oh you are the one!" the Officer smiled at her, "Yes I had to loan him a sweater last night. He is likely in his room but he should be getting ready for breakfast."

Clara nodded and followed the man to a hallway of small rooms. "Stay here just a moment," he told her before walking down, mid way and knocking on the door, "Hey Bert, there is a beautiful woman here to see you."

Clara heard a distinctive swear from behind the closed door and then the door opened to reveal Pittman, fully dressed, "Get out of here Lowe," he said, and for extra measure he shoved him gently out of the way. Pittman walked up to Clara, "Good morning," he greeted.

"I am so sorry I took your coat," Clara began, "I did not realize it until well after my son was in bed." She began to walk as Pittman was trying to lead her away from an eavesdropping Harold Lowe.

"Oh not at all Clara," he smiled, "I was fine last night. If I needed it that badly, I knew where to find you."

Clara felt a blush creeping up her neck and she smiled back, "This is true but still," she handed the coat back to him and he took it, gratefully.

"Did you really feel as if you had to deliver it at six in the morning?" He asked.

"Oh I had a bad dream," she shrugged, "So I thought I would come up here instead."

"Well I was just about to get some breakfast, you are welcome to join me and talk about it, if you would like."

Clara bit her bottom lip, an occasional nervous tick she had when she was not sure if she should do something or not. Eventually, the side that did not want to be anywhere near David won out and she nodded, "That sounds lovely."

Pittman smiled, almost in disbelief, like he could not quite believe his luck. He held an arm out to indicate which way to go and several minutes later they were in a small room that had been set up with breakfast foods for the Officers. Clara sat down at a table in the corner while he filled some plates for them.

"So, what was this dream?" he asked as he set a plate down in front of her and then sat down across from her.

Clara picked up her fork and it was then that she realized just how hungry she was, she never did have a chance to finish eating the night before. She took a small bite out of the fresh eggs and then dabbed at the corners of her mouth with a napkin before beginning, "It kind of jumped all over the place but every time, it ended with my child being taken from me."

"Who was taking him from you?" Herbert asked.

"Usually someone from David's family...his mother, sister, someone who was not my blood family would try to lay claim to him, as if he was some item to be won at an auction." She sighed heavily, "I would never cope if I lost my little boy. He is everything to me."

"Well at least it was just a dream, right?" He gave her a smile which she returned.

"Yes, it was just a dream," she replied, as if Clara was trying to re-assure herself.

"So why are you and your family going to New York? Moving there permanently or just visiting?" Pittman was eager to change the subject to see if Clara would cheer up a bit.

She gave a shrug, "David has business to deal with for his firm or something. So he and his friends were asked to represent the firm in America."

"Not a permanent stay, then?" He asked.

"Well it could potentially turn into one I suppose, I hope it does not though. My entire family is in England, if something were to happen to them it would take forever for me to get back."

"England is a better country anyway," Herbert smiled and Clara could not help but laugh at his words.

"Well it is my first time going to America, so I guess I can decide that for myself," she said before lifting her fork to her mouth again.

During that meal, for a short while, Clara was able to forget herself for awhile. She felt more comfortable talking to Herbert than she had ever felt with David, even during the best years of their marriage. The conversation was easy and light, and it danced from their childhood lives (hers in London and his in Somerset,) to Pittman's career and why he chose the ocean, to Clara's social activities at home and the charity's she volunteered for.

With each passing moment, Herbert Pittman found himself more and more intrigued by this woman and a part of him felt like in the long run it could cause him serious trouble, but every time she opened her mouth, he completely forgot about it all.

Clara was in the middle of telling a story about her son's first birthday when the door to the small dining room opening.

"Pittman, it is almost time for your shift," the officer said, coming into the room.

"No it is not, Will," he said, turning to face the other officer, "I do not work until ten-thirty."

"And it is now ten am," Will said, giving Herbert a look.

Pittman frowned and checked his stop watch, "Blimey you are actually right."

Clara stared, "Wait, I've been here for four hours already?"

Herbert nodded, "Yes apparently."

"Oh God," Clara dabbed at her mouth with a napkin and got to her feet, "Benjamin is going to be so upset, I need to get back to him."

"Of course," Herbert said, "It was a pleasure, Clara and I will see you later, I suppose."

Clara flashed him a warm smile and nodded, "Yes of course. Thank you for breakfast."

She grabbed her coat and the two officers watched the young woman tear off out of the room.

"Herbert, I do not need to remind you that being alone in a room with a married woman could lead to people whispering, telling false reports, and landing you both in serious trouble, right?"

Pittman looked at Murdoch and gave a nervous smile, "It is too late for warnings."

"Why is that?" Will asked.

"Because I think I am in love with that woman," Pittman answered before staring back at the door.

Xx

A/N- ooooooooooooooooooh. You know the drill. Once again, I must get ready for work.

Love y'all. xoxo


	6. Trapped

Chapter 6

Trapped

"Mummy!" Benjamin squealed when Clara walked in the door of the suite.

"Hello my little love!" she greeted as she bent down to his height and the child threw his arms around her neck.

"Where were you? We did not have breakfast!"

Clara opened her mouth but then she was cut off, "Yes Mrs. Moore, where were you?" She looked up to see David standing by the sofa, with a rather cross look on her face.

Clara stood up to her full height, "I had a nightmare and I could not sleep. So I went for a walk, there is no crime in that."

"No, I suppose not." There was a tense silence and then, "There was a man's coat in your room last night. Who did it belong to?"

Clara stared at him and then said, "Esther, take Benjamin up to the deck for some sun."

"Yes ma'am," Esther said quietly. She came over and took the boy by the hand who instantly began to protest, "But I want my mummy!"

"Mummy will join you shortly, little love," Clara said, giving her son a warm look.

Once they were alone Clara was silent and then said, "You were in my room last night? Why?"

"Never mind why, I asked you a question," David snapped.

"When I was up on the deck, trying to calm down after your onslaught on my emotions, an officer loaned his coat to me so I would not catch ill from the cold air. I returned it this morning," Clara paused and then added, "Someone felt they should be doing your job, considering you were not."

"Remember your place, Mrs. Moore," David snarled.

"You remember your place!" she cried, "You used to be so good to me and you actually treated me like I was your wife and not an inconvenience! You used to care about me and my feelings and now..." Clara held her arms up in exasperation, "You completely humiliated me last night and made me so uncomfortable."

There was a long silence between the two and then David spoke, "I am your husband and I do not have to explain myself to you. Remember your place and stop landing yourself in situations that are an embarrassment to this family," he paused, "I am dining with Ismay for lunch, you may join us or dine with your friends."

Clara watched David turn on his heel and disappear into his stateroom. After a moment, Clara gathered her emotions, brushed away the stray tear on her cheek, and walked out to find her child.

When she found Esther and Benjamin they were down near the stern where Benjamin was playing with another first class child. Clara fought very hard to hide any emotional pain she was experiencing as she sat down on a bench with Esther.

"Are you alright ma'am?" Esther asked, noticing the way Clara looked.

"I will be," she answered, looking straight ahead.

"Mr. Moore is not someone worth shedding tears over," Esther said very quietly.

"I am learning that now actually."

"Well this may make you smile, but do not look when I say this; an officer is standing up on a higher deck staring at you."

Clara looked at Esther and gave her a real smile, "Does he have a mustache?"

"Yes ma'am."

Clara then felt her first real tug of happiness since breakfast that morning, "He is quite a nice gentleman," she offered.

"He looks absolutely smitten, ma'am."

For a brief moment, the fact that Clara was the employer and Esther the employee was completely forgotten as the two women laughed hysterically.

–

"You are not subtle at all, Bert."

Herbert looked at Lowe and Moody who had been watching him, watch Clara and he simply shrugged, "How can someone that incredible be married? It is so infuriating!"

"Ah yes, all the good ones are always taken," Moody agreed solemnly which just caused Lowe to snort with laughter.

"Alright children," Herbert said, shaking his head, "We should get back to work before Wilde swoops in and gives us the eye."

"Ah yes, the eye is quite an evil one," Moody said.

"Jim, stop saying ah yes as if you are some wise and mythical god of knowledge," Harold said.

Pittman laughed as he walked off.

–

After lunch (which Clara and Benjamin ate alone,) the mother and son strolled the decks once more. Esther took some time until supper to herself so Clara and Benjamin could spend some time together. David had disappeared, likely to be with his friends and it honestly did not bother Clara any. She was headed towards the bow of the ship when she noticed Pittman standing at the end of the ship, he was looking down the side towards the water. Clara leaned over the side of the ship and followed Pittman's gaze, with him completely oblivious, "What are we looking at?"

He jumped at the sound of her voice and then his face broke into a huge grin, "Oh hello."

"Hello," she said.

"Well to answer your question," he began, "Nothing really. I am off until tonight and I was having trouble sleeping so I came down here to watch the ocean splash against the ship."

Clara smiled and opened her mouth to speak but she was cut off by a tugging on her dress, "Mummy, I wanna see."

She turned to pick Benjamin up in her arms, "Is that not wonderful, little love?"

"The water just goes on and on!" Benjamin cried.

"Ah but, it does eventually end. At the United States," Herbert said.

Benjamin whirled around in his mothers arms to look at the officer, "Really?

"Yes, it may seem like this is all vast and endless now, but land eventually pops up here and there."

"Wow," Benjamin said, in complete and total awe.

"So," Clara began as she set her son down, "You also could not sleep?"

Herbert smiled as he watched Benjamin go and play and shrugged, "Too much on my mind I suppose."

"Would you like to talk about it?" she offered.

He laughed, "I suppose it would only be fair since you opened up to me about it but," Herbert shrugged, "It is just boring ship stuff going through my mind." In truth, Herbert was lying, he had laid awake in bed thinking, but it had more to do with the beautiful, married woman in front of him, and not the ship.

"Boring ship stuff?" Clara smiled, "I guess it could be worse."

"Agreed," there was a pause and then, "Your husband was not upset with you for not being there when he woke up,was he?"

"Well he told me that it was not appropriate and to remember my place," she shrugged and a frown replaced her smile, "He is more concerned about being embarrassed I guess."

"What a gem," Herbert muttered.

Clara looked at him, "Yes, my parents know how to pick them."

"I hope you know, that I personally believe you do not deserve to be treated this way."

She blushed and looked away, "Well we live in a world that states the way a man treats his wife is perfectly acceptable, even if it is cruel and horrible."

Herbert sighed, "Clara I do not mean to upset you."

"I know," she turned to watch Benjamin and sighed, "In the three days since I have been on this ship I have learned so much about myself and my marriage and I honestly do not think I like it that much."

"The marriage or what you have learned?" Herbert asked.

"Both," she answered in a soft voice, "And I am trapped and that scares me more than anything."

**A/N- That was a rather dramatic ending. I really wanted to get this posted before I have to go work...I tried to call out. Idk. I have tomorrow off...finally...**

**I shall see y'all on the flip side. Please leave me reviews, they are gonna be the only thing that will get me through my 3pm-2am shift. **


	7. I Almost Do

Chapter 7

I Almost Do

Throughout the afternoon, Clara could not help but notice a stark difference between her husband and Pittman. David would interact with their son enough, in the sense that he greeted his boy, gave him candies and gifts, but he would leave it at that. Herbert Pittman spent his afternoon, not sleeping like he needed, but playing games with the child. Clara sat on a bench and watched the two run and chase each other, shoot marbles, and what not. Herbert actually seemed genuinely interested in Benjamin and his well being and that warmed her heart so much.

"Hello Clara."

Clara looked up to see Hope and Naomi standing before her. They sat down beside their friend and looked at her, "We missed you at breakfast," Hope began.

"Yes, where were you darling?" Naomi asked.

"I had a nightmare early this morning so I went for a walk," Clara answered.

"And you walked through breakfast?" Hope raised an eyebrow.

Clara was about to answer when Naomi spoke, "Clara, who is the officer shooting marbles with Benjamin?"

"Ah that is Officer Pittman," Clara said, "The one who bumped into me with the tea?"

"And why is he playing with your son?" Naomi asked next.

Clara shrugged it off, "Benjamin wanted someone to play with and Officer Pittman is off for the afternoon so he offered. Why?"

"Well people whisper darling," Hope began, "Do you want people to start whispering about you and the Officer?"

"There is nothing wrong with what is going on," Clara said, "We are in broad daylight, surrounded by passengers. I have not done any wrong."

"Why are you getting so defensive?" Hope asked.

"Because you two are talking as if I have committed some crime," Clara frowned, "I receive enough harsh treatment from my husband, I do not need it from you two as well."

"We just want what is best for you," Naomi said, this time in a different tone of voice.

"Refraining from judgment would be a start," Clara said simply.

"Okay," Hope said, "We apologize."

"We just wanted to make sure you would be at supper tonight. We were going to go use the Turkish Bath's before supper time and we were unsure if you wanted to join us there as well," Naomi said.

Clara shook her head, "Maybe tomorrow. I just wish to be with my little boy right now."

"Alright, well we shall see you in awhile."

The two women stood up and Clara watched them walk off and instantly they began to whisper to each other.

She sighed and turned her gaze back in time to see Pittman approaching her. He sat down beside her, "Are you alright?"

Clara waved her hand, "More or less."

"I was wondering," he started, "I will be eating right before my night shift starts and I was wondering if you would join me."

She gave a small smile, "It would be nice but I am unsure if it would be possible."

"Mummy," Benjamin came over to them, "I am sleepy."

Clara sighed and stood up so she could pick Benjamin up, "I should get him in bed."

"Well if you do come, I will be in the room from this morning at about nine," Pittman said.

Clara nodded, "Okay."

"Young Master Benjamin, I have to concede that you are the best marble player since my old dad. I admit defeat," Pittman took his hat off and bowed to the small child who beamed at his mother.

"It was a pleasure Clara," Pittman said, "Thank you."

Clara smiled, "Thank you for tiring him out!"

Pittman bowed to Clara as well and then after Clara smiled at him, she turned to walk back towards the state room with her child. If she had looked back, she would have seen him staring after her.

Once Clara made it to the suite, it was easy to get Benjamin in bed for a nap before supper. She retreated to her own room and looked at the gown that was laying out for her to wear that night and she wondered where exactly she would be dining. Another meal with Pittman sounded significantly more enjoyable than another meal with her husband. But she did worry about what people would say if they saw her. But then she felt like just not caring about other people thought or said because she knew it was purely innocent-even if that was only partly true.

Deep in her heart, Clara knew she liked being with Herbert because he cared about her and whenever she saw him, she felt strings pulled around her heart and she felt fluttering in her stomach; like she was a young girl again. She sighed because deep down, Clara knew she would in fact go have supper with Pittman because she just wanted to see his face and his goofy smile once more.

Clara changed out of her dress and curled up under her blankets. She looked at her bandages, but hardly noticed the pain anymore. In fact, it was all but barely there at this point. Eventually Clara fell into a deep sleep and images of Pittman raced through her head. She dreamed of them dancing together and being together from that evening and on. Clara dreamed of Herbert never leaving her side and her never leaving his. She awoke with a shock at the sound of knocking on her door. From the sounds it was David who a moment later let himself in, "Are you going to get up and come to supper?" he asked.

Clara fell back into the plush pillows and covered herself up with the blankets, "I feel miserable. I am staying here," she said, "I will order something later."

"Suit yourself," David replied before turning back.

Clara sighed as the bedroom door slammed and eventually she fell back asleep.

**Xx **

**A/N- I had intended to make this longer but I wanted to update today and I don't have time to fit all I wanted into this chapter...so that will come next. Please review...I'm leaving for work. I'm off tomorrow so I expect I'll be writing tomorrow. **


	8. The Push

Chapter 8

The Push

Pittman was nervous as the time came close for dinner. He worried that she would not come and that he had completely overstepped his boundaries. Then the positive thoughts accompanied the nervous ones; they had really enjoyed themselves on the deck that day, Clara had said as much. He knew however that she was confused because he felt the exact same way. Herbert Pittman was smitten with this beautiful woman who was also married, yes it was an unhappy marriage, but it was a marriage all the same.

At meal times, Pittman usually dined with Lowe and Moody, but that particular night he convinced them to eat in their rooms, just in case Clara did come. He then began to pace back and forth, nervously; the food was starting to get cold and his shift started in forty five minutes. He had over loaded on coffee so that he could survive the shift without falling asleep and now he was starting to get a little jittery.

He was just about to turn to go into the small dining room when he heard gentle footsteps on the deck and his name called. Herbert turned around to see Clara, looking like a vision in the moonlight, with the lights on the walls of the ship casting an almost angelic glow around her hair.

"Hi Herbert," Clara said quietly, "It took me a bit because I had to get ready on my own," she smiled, "I do not know how women do it."

"You look beautiful," he said quietly.

Clara did in fact look even more beautiful than Herbert had ever seen her and he did not even think it was possible for her to look even better. She had her hair pinned up to her head with beautiful jewels in her hair. She had a coat on but under the coat he saw a white dress that flared slightly at the waist. There were jewels and silk flowers sewn into the gown and the jewels made chinking sounds when she walked.

"Thank you Herbert," she replied, her face was a deep red.

Her skirts rustled as she walked towards him and she flashed a smile at him as he opened the door for her and she walked in to the room. Pittman gently closed the door behind him and pulled the chair out at the table for Clara, who sat down.

He fixed two plates of food for them and gently set Clara's down in front of her, "I am sure this is not what you are used to but it is some of the best food they have ever provided for officers on a ship I have worked on."

"Well I would hope that the officers are provided with decent meals," Clara said.

"Sometimes I have only had biscuits, water, and pork to get me through," he shuddered, "It is far from appetizing."

"Oh that does sound rather dull," she admitted.

"I still can not stand salted pork," Herbert laughed.

"You are such a fascinating man," Clara began as she took a knife and quietly cut the chicken on her plate, "In just two days I have learned so much about you and I have never met anyone more interesting, let alone someone with such a kind heart."

"It pains me to know that you are married, I hope you know that," Herbert said, "And I know that it is not my place but I just need you to know that," he said quickly.

Again Clara felt that painful tug on her heart, "In two days Herbert you have treated me better than my husband has in nearly ten years of marriage." She looked away from him to hide the tears in her eyes.

He frowned and stood to his feet to come over to her, "Clara, he is not worth shedding tears over. I am sorry if I upset you," His hand came up to cup her cheek and he used his thumb to brush away a stray tear.

Clara's big and sad eyes met his warm and caring ones and she fell apart under his gaze. She threw herself into his arms and began to cry into his chest, "I am just so tired of this life," she cried, "I just want to take my son and run away."

He gently wrapped his arms around the woman and sat down on the floor, his back was up against the leg of the table. Gently, Pittman rubbed circles into Clara's back, "Shhh, it is going to be okay," he whispered.

"It is never going to be okay as long as I am married to that man," she said.

Pittman was silent for a long time and then words came spilling out of his mouth before he had even realized what he said, "We could always run away."

Clara looked up at him, "Run away?"

"It was a silly idea and-"

"No, it is a wonderful idea," she sat up, "Just take Benjamin and we leave. Go as far as we can."

He stared at her in surprise, "Really? You would be content to run?"

She nodded, "I am tired of all of this. I just want to be a good mother and I want someone to love me."

Herbert carefully pushed her fallen locks of hair out of her face and gently he pressed his lips to hers. Clara felt herself completely fall apart in his arms and she leaned into the kiss, her arms even wrapped around his neck and his arm tightened around her middle as he pulled her closer to him. When they broke apart, the two were silent and breathless as they stared at each other. Clara had never been kissed like that and this (for all intensive purposes) "stranger" had just kissed her, as if he was truly in love with her.

"When we dock in New York I swear, I am taking you away from all of this. You, Benjamin, and I, we will get away from it," he said.

She beamed at him, "Do you mean it? Truly?"

"I mean it," Herbert got to his feet and pulled Clara up to her feet.

"I love that idea," she told him, "We can go West."

He kissed her forehead, "Indeed." Herbert lead Clara back to her seat, "We should probably eat something. My shift starts," he checked his pocket watch, "In ten minutes."

"Oh goodness," she shook her head, "Indeed, eating is a marvelous idea."

Dinner seemed easier and lighter, even if it only lasted about ten minutes but Clara was quicker to smile and laugh. She talked animatedly about a life on the West Coast based off the stories she had heard and the idea of swimming in the Pacific Ocean completely enthralled her.

Herbert did not want to leave Clara and he especially did not want to send her back to a stateroom with David Moore. He kissed her gently in the dark shadows of the room and if Herbert Pittman was allowed to have his way, he would have stayed there and assaulted the woman with kisses all evening. But eventually he pulled himself away from her and left Clara with a promise in the words, "To the start of the rest of our lives."

xx

Clara hardly saw Herbert on the thirteenth. She knew he had worked through the night and she did not want to keep him from his much needed sleep. David kept to himself, disappearing at random intervals and the couple only dined together for breakfast. Clara dined with her friends for lunch, who seemed back to their regular selves, and it was right before dinner that she received a knock at her stateroom's door.

A steward, who she learned was named Alan, was standing on the other side of the door. He had a note from Pittman, asking her to meet him again for supper. She grinned as she carefully examined his hand writing and Clara told the Steward to let Officer Pittman that she would see him shortly. She returned to her room and finished dressing with help from Esther. "Will you dine in tonight, ma'am?" Esther asked.

"I will not be dining with my husband, I am meeting some friends," Clara answered.

"Yes ma'am."

For their second supper, Clara managed to get through the meal without crying. He told her about his night working and how the only thing that kept him up and going was the memory of her kiss, which caused Clara to blush profusely.

"Benjamin missed you today," she said, "He really had hoped to play marbles with you."

"I must admit, I missed the little fellow too. I had a dream about him being a big brother to several children," he laughed, "It was sweet."

Clara sighed wistfully, "I would love that. The doctors told me I can not have anymore babies though," she shrugged, "But what do they know? It is all in the Lord's hands, right?"

Herbert studied her face for a moment, as much as he would like a child of his own, he would never put Clara in that danger when the time ever came. He noticed the far away hope and instead of dashing her dreams, he smiled back at her, "Everything is in the hands of God."

That night, Herbert stayed an additional ten minutes with Clara and it was not until he saw a harassed looking Boxhall (who was supposed to be getting off) that he and Clara walked to the door together. He kissed her sweetly before heading out the door with Joseph (who she had met earlier when she had arrived for dinner.)

Clara watched him go and hoped Boxhall would not harass Herbert too badly for keeping the poor officer from his bed a moment longer. But when she saw Boxhall stop at something Herbert had said and then he lightly punched the officer on the arm, which caused Herbert to laugh, she knew that everything between the officers was okay. She smiled after them and then turned back to head towards the first class entrance.

Lights were dim in the hallways and Clara figured most of the people had retired for the evening. She was just about to turn the corner to the hallway where her room was when she heard an almost girlish giggle, "You monster," the voice said, but the woman was still giggling.

Clara turned the corner to see a young woman, probably no younger than twenty-five, being kissed, rather tenderly in the hallway by a man. He was dressed smartly, in a nice enough suit and his mouth seemed glued to the girl's neck. Her eyes were closed as she spoke next, "Someone is going to stumble on us. What if your wife came out?" the voice asked.

"Let her find out."

Clara blanched in disgust at the scene before her. She was about to take a step when the man straightened up to his full height, "Maybe it will drive her to enough misery that she will jump off the ship or something and put me out of my own misery."

Clara stopped in her steps at the words and the voice that said them. The couple still were so enthralled in their own little world, that they had not even noticed Clara yet. But Clara knew the man, "David?" she asked, her own disbelief betraying the hurt she felt at the idea that he would not mind if she killed herself.

David Moore spun on the spot to see Clara standing in the hallway and he carefully slicked his hair back. "Clara," he stuttered, "I thought you dined in your room tonight?"

Clara scoffed, "I am no longer sitting around and waiting on you, David. But I must say this explains a lot. The distance, the cruelty," she laughed as she walked towards their room, "Makes things much easier too." She eyed the girl who was staring at Clara with a look that was mixed between horror and contempt. Clara laughed again, "You can have him. But I do hope you know what a cruel man he can be. He will always find someone younger and better." She slipped her key into the lock and entered the room.

David shot a look at his mistress and followed Clara in, "You were not supposed to see that," he started.

"Then maybe you should not have been all over her in the hallway, outside of our suite and outside of the room where our child is sleeping." Clara began to take her gloves off and then her earrings, "You two can have each other. I just stopped caring about you, David Moore."

"You are still my wife," he said, "You will not divorce me, our religion does not allow it."

Clara frowned, "See your grandparents are catholic but you are protestant and Protestant's allow divorce. Also, our religion also states that adultery is a sin, punishable by death, you did not seem to care about that rule, so please do not pick and choose with what sins are allowable. I want a divorce and that is that," she headed towards her room, "Goodnight and thank you for giving me the final push that I needed."

David stared after his wife in complete shock and confusion as Clara disappeared into her room and a moment later he heard the lock click. None of Clara's words about a "push" made sense and all he knew was that he would not get a divorce, he would fight Clara on it, even if it killed him.

**Xxxxx**

**A/N- Ooooh didn't see that coming, did you? God I have GOT to sleep. My head hurts and I am exhausted. Please review. :) **


	9. Take a Bow

Chapter 9

Take a Bow

When Clara woke up the next morning, her brain instantly began to overflow with thoughts about what had happened the night before. She stayed in her bed for a long time as she thought it over. Finally she began to dress and exited her room to see Benjamin and David on their private promenade deck eating breakfast. Clara walked towards the doorway and stopped as she watched the two.

"Good morning mummy!" Benjamin cried when he saw his mother.

"Good morning my little love," Clara beamed, "Can you run along? Daddy and I need to speak."

"Yes mummy," Benjamin said.

The child got to his feet and David watched his son walk into the stateroom. Clara watched him go into his room with Esther and then she looked back to David, "I do not want to be in this marriage anymore," she said, "You have done nothing but abuse me emotionally for months and now I understand why," Clara shrugged, "It is no matter, but I will not stay married to a man who says things like "Maybe she will jump off the ship and put herself out of my misery. I will not have Benjamin in that type of environment," Clara shrugged.

"You can have your divorce but you will not take my son from me," David said, frowning, "I will have that boy with me."

"He needs his mother," Clara said in a tight voice.

"He needs his father more."

"Every child needs their mother," Clara shrugged.

"As long as you intend to take my son, I will not give you a divorce."

"You are just an awful man."

"And I was forced into a marriage I wanted nothing to do with all because I was told you would give me many strong children. Instead, you have given me one little boy and all the others have died because of your weakness. Remember Clara, you were not the only one who was forced to marry someone you did not want."

She scoffed, "I do not have to listen to this. You are a horrible and cruel man and I will not stand for it." Clara approached the table and picked up some fruit, "I will take Benjamin and I will leave."

"Good luck with that," David stood up and threw his napkin on the table, "Over my dead body."

There was a tense silence, that lasted at least ten minutes, with husband and wife merely glaring at each other. Finally Clara spoke first, "Who is she?"

"Who is who?" David asked.

"Your mistress," Clara answered, "I deserve to know since you two could not even be bothered to be discreet about it. Did you meet her here or did you bring her along?"

"I brought her along," David shrugged as he said it, "We grew up together or at least," he paused then continued, "I grew up with her brother."

"How long has it been going on?" Clara asked, her eyebrows raising.

"Since shortly before Benjamin was born," David's voice was quiet as he spoke, "I had not seen her for years and we ran into each other at the shops. We started talking and then the next thing I knew," he waved a hand as if acknowledging something that he would not dare to say aloud.

Clara was silent as she processed the thoughts and emotions that were running through her mind, "So when I went into labor," she was very quiet as she spoke, "And you were not there until a mere thirty minutes before Benjamin arrived, is that where you were?"

David gave a slight nod but no words came out of his mouth.

"And I presume you paid her way so that she could be here?"

"Yes I did."

Clara sighed heavily, she felt old and tired as all of these revelations weighed down on her. David moved to speak but they were interrupted as Esther arrived back on the deck, "Pardon me sir but it is nearly time for the church services. If you do not leave now, you will be late."

"Thank you Esther," Clara said and with one last glance at David, she left the deck.

David and Clara did not speak again during the walk to the church services. They met up with their friends and the three couples sat together in the dining saloon-turned church sanctuary, in one of the front rows of chairs. Clara held her sons hand and she kept her gaze fixed to the front where the Captain would stand to deliver the service.

The room quickly filled up with the men and women who held first class tickets, dressed in their finest. There were a few people, Clara noticed, sitting in the back who were from the second class but it ended there. She couldn't help but wonder where the third class passengers worshiped and why they did not all just worship together.

"How are you this morning?"

Clara turned to see Thomas Andrews standing in front of her, "Oh hello Mr. Andrews!" she beamed at him and despite her earlier mood, it was a genuine smile, "I am doing very well today, thank you."

"I am glad to see it." Thomas bent down to Benjamin's height, "And how are you today young sir?"

"I am great!" Benjamin said, enthusiastically.

Thomas chuckled at the child's answer, "And you are taking care of your mother?"

"Yes I am!"

"That is a very good boy." Thomas stood up again, "Well I will be back in a bit, I have to run and take some quick notes on some missing screws I noticed were missing on my way in here, but I wanted to ensure that I said hello to you."

Clara chuckled, "Of course, thank you."

Thomas nodded to David and he quietly slipped out of the room. At that exact moment, Clara looked up as the Captain entered, followed by several of his officers, in order of ranking. Pittman was close to the back and instantly the two made eye contact. Clara was overwhelmed with yearning to run to the man and hug him. With everything that happened since she came back the night before, she wanted to feel the comforting warmth of someone's arms.

The captain took his hat off and set it on the side of the altar and raised his arms to let everyone know to rise for the singing of the hymn. All at once, everyone rose to their feet and at the strike of the piano keys, they began to sing the first song.

After the service ended, Clara gave Pittman the slightest of a nod before taking her son by the hand and heading up for the deck. She sat on a deck chair that was away from everyone else and while Benjamin played, a steward came by and offered her tea, which Clara took gratefully. Just as she was taking the first sip of the hot beverage, Pittman approached her.

"Good afternoon ma'am," he greeted, taking his hat off to her just as the steward eyed the two.

"Thank you for the tea sir," she said to the steward, "This is all I will be needing."

"Yes ma'am," the steward bowed and took them off.

"Hello Officer Pittman," Clara smiled up at him.

He sat down on the side of the deck chair beside Clara and smiled at her, "Captain expects we will be in New York within the next day or two."

"Really?" Clara's eyes lit up, "That is quite early."

"Earlier than expected, yes."

"Oh Bertie (a nickname Clara had given him the day before,)" her voice was quiet but hopeful, "Then we can go."

Hebert had to keep himself from reaching across the small space between them and taking her hand, "How was everything when you got back to the suite? Did he say anything?"

Clara gave a laugh and just when she was about to tell him what happened, Benjamin came running over, "Officer Pittman!" the child squealed,

"Well hello there young sir," Pittman smiled warmly at the little boy.

"I saw you in church this morning!" Benjamin stated proudly.

"Did you know that I saw you too?"

Benjamin smiled and looked to his mother, "Did you know that mummy?"

"Yes I did!" Clara took her child's hand and kissed it gently.

"Lad how about you go over there to play so I can speak to your mother and when we are done I will play a quick game of marbles with you, okay?" Pittman asked the little boy.

"Okay!" Benjamin jumped up and then took off for his abandoned toys.

Clara watched him and then looked back to Herbert, "Well he was not remotely concerned about where I was or why I was late. We became a bit distracted by something else."

"What would that be?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I have determined the reason for his distance and cruelty."

Herbert frowned, "You did?"

"He has been having an affair since before Benjamin was born," Clara told him in a deathly quiet whisper.

Herbert's eyes went wide at the news, "How did you find out?"

"He had the audacity to bring the girl along and have her in the room across from us!" Clara said, "I found them in the hallway last night when I went back. Then he has the nerve to say that his religion forbids him from divorcing me!" She laughed, "What a charmer he is."

"Wait," Herbert's face screwed up in confusion, "You asked for a divorce?"

"Yes I did."

"And he said no because his religion forbids it?"

"Yes."

There was a silence and then, "I may not remember much from Sunday school growing up, but I seem to recall adultery also being forbidden by the Christian church," Herbert crossed his arms and looked at her."

"Yes you are correct," she shrugged, "Part of me is not angry about the adultery because it would be hypocritical of me to do so. However," Clara moved her hand in a sideways gesture, "I am quite allowed to be angry that he will not divorce me."

Pittman sighed and ran a hand over his face out of frustration, "Well regardless, in a few days we will be headed West."

Clara nodded, "Indeed."

"Well I owe your son a game of marbles and then I have to get back to work. Can you dine with me when I get off?"

Clara nodded and beamed at him, "Of course."

"Well until then," he stood up and tipped his hat to her, although he really just wanted to kiss her.

Clara watched Herbert interact with her son for the game and then after he patted the child on the top of his head, she watched him head down the deck and resume his job. She sighed again as memories from that morning's conversation came back to her. She had been fighting to not let David's news bother her, but now that she was alone and allowed to process it all, she was really just bothered by how long ago it had started. Things began to fall into place, missed suppers or late lunch dates, where he would explain away his absence with an answer that never really made sense. Clara attempted to push the thoughts far from her mind as she got to her feet and headed back to eat a late lunch with Benjamin.

For the most part, Clara was successful in not thinking about what David had done but little thoughts reminded her. When Benjamin was down for his nap and Clara was able to finally rest, that was when her brain decided to settle down. She told Esther to make sure she was up by eight and then Clara went into her room to lay down. Within seconds, Clara was asleep and dreams did not come that afternoon.

Xx

A/N- I bet y'all thought I forgot about you, huh? I didn't have internet this weekend and it was busy with one thing after another.

Also I found a Titanic The Musical coffee mug which I drank tea out of earlier and I tweeted the actor who played Thomas Andrews on Broadway and he responded to me...

It was epic.

Anyway I probably won't be able to update again until Tuesday. I have to go to court tomorrow as a witness for something and then I have to work. So yeah, review and leave me love!

Love you guys! xo


	10. Young and Beautiful

Chapter 10

Young and Beautiful

"It is a bit impressive how calm the water is tonight, eh?"

Pittman looked up from his stop watch to see Boxhall watching him. Herbert shrugged and then looked out towards the stern of the ship and beyond to the Atlantic Ocean, that looked black that evening. "I heard Lightoller saying how he had never seen anything like it," He smiled, "And Lights has seen everything."

"So how is your relationship with the married woman going?" Boxhall asked next.

"Joe come on," Herbert sighed, "I do not need to hear your condemning tone."

"Here is the thing. These first class men can be crazy and if they find out that someone is looking at their wife, they can go batty. Do you really want to risk losing your job over this girl?"

"She is worth everything to me," Pittman said, "Now I have to go get some supper. I will see you in the morning."

"Yeah yeah," Boxhall waved a hand to shoo him away.

Herbert took off for his usual meeting spot with Clara and just as he got there, Clara was exiting out onto the deck.

"Good evening," she smiled at him as she walked towards where he stood.

They ducked into the dining room and quietly, Herbert closed the door behind him. "You look lovely tonight," he said, smiling.

Clara took her coat off and turned to face him, "You say that every night."

"And every night it is true."

Clara wrapped her arms around Herbert's middle as he pulled her to him in a hug, "If you say so."

"I do say so," he kissed the top of her forehead, "And I will always say so."

"Ah just wait until I become old, I will look like my dear grandmother and then you will not be too impressed with my looks," Clara giggled as she took a seat.

"I will love you even when you are old and poor Benjamin will be having to push us around in wheelchairs," Herbert sat opposite of her and grinned at her.

"My poor little boy," Clara said, shaking her head in mock dismay.

"So has anything more been said about a divorce?" Pittman asked her.

"With David?" She shook her head, "I have not seen him since we were in church together this morning. He is probably with her now," Clara shrugged, "Nothing more I can do, I suppose."

"I find the nerve he had to bring her along and put her so close to you to be," Herbert paused as he looked for the word, "Daring."

"He could have at least put her down the hall and away from our child," Clara shook her head, "Anyway, let us not talk about David Moore and his poor life. How did you manage to get an evening off at last?"

"Ah I got out of a night shift because I went this morning to represent the ship and crew at the church service," Pittman smiled, "I only did it so I could see you."

"I have to say it was a welcome surprise. I thought I would not be able to see you until this evening."

"I am a man of many surprises apparently."

As the evening progressed, closer to the ten o'clock hour, Clara grew tired but the two stayed up as they talked about their families and how they hoped one day, both sides would be able to meet. They discussed what kind of life they would lead in America and how Benjamin would be raised.

"I think he should have the kind of childhood I had," Herbert stated, smiling as he brought a glass of water to his lips.

"Which was?" Clara asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Go to school, do well and study, then do whatever you want. Enjoy life and be a child."

She smiled, "I would love that."

"We will build a big house in the middle of nowhere and Benjamin can run all around the yard with the dogs," Herbert told her.

"Dogs?"

"Yes dogs and plural!"

Clara put her hand over her face and shook it, "Oh maybe I will have to rethink this," she laughed, "Dogs and I have never gotten along."

"Are you a cat person?" He asked next.

She shrugged, "I was always fond of the cats on my grandfather's land in the country side, but I was never allowed to have one."

"Then we will get you a kitten."

Clara laughed again, "I would like that very much."

Herbert got to his feet then and walked around the table and offered his hand to her, "May I have this dance?"

"Bertie, there is no music."

"Then we make our own."

He took her hand anyway and pulled Clara to her feet. One of his arms slipped around her waist and Herbert took one of Clara's hands. Slowly they began to move and sway around the room to the imaginary music. At one point Herbert began to hum a tune and Clara placed her head on his chest as they moved, simply content to stand there and listen to the rhythmic thumping of his heart, in time with his tune.

"I just want to stay here forever," she whispered quietly.

"I am always going to take care of you Clara, I just want you to know that."

She pulled her head away from his chest and looked up at the man, this incredible man who she had only know for four days, but she had come to love in a deep and powerful way. The incredible thing to her was that he loved her back and he made her feel safe, a feeling she had only encountered in the very early stages of her life. Clara smiled at Herbert and a moment later their lips met. The couple became so wrapped up in each other that they did not hear anyone walk by the door and a moment later it opened. It was not until someone spoke that they realized they were not alone.

"What the Hell is going on?"

Clara pulled away from Herbert to see David standing in the doorway, his coat slung over his arm, and a look of pure anger on his face.

"Hello David," Clara said, frowning.

"So this is the real reason you want a divorce, eh? So you can run off with some ships officer that you met four days ago?" David scoffed, "Get your things, I am taking you back to our room."

"David, you hardly have room to get angry with me. You have been seeing another woman since before our son was born," Clara shrugged.

"That is different," David snarled.

"Oh right, a man being with a woman that is not his wife and treating her horribly, so the wife runs away to another man is very different. At least I treat Clara with the respect and love she deserves," Herbert said.

"Bertie please do not," Clara turned to look at him, "I should go, Benjamin will need me." She took his hand and squeezed it gently, trying to tell him with her eyes that she would see him in the morning.

"Clara-" Herbert began but David cut him off by grabbing Clara by the wrist and pulling her away from me, "I will have your job for this, Pittman. Stay the hell away from my wife or else I will personally see that you never work in this industry again."

Before Herbert or Clara could say another word, David had pulled his wife out of the room and dragged her off back to the first class entrance.

"David let go of me," Clara protested, "I can walk on my own and you are hurting my wrist!"

David ignored Clara and he did not let go of her wrist until they were back in the suite, "Clara you are to stay in this room for the rest of the trip. You will have your meals here and Esther will walk with Benjamin on the deck. I am not going to have you to continue with your affair and have you disgrace my name."

"Just leave me be, David," Clara said as she headed to her room, "I do not need you nor do I need to listen to you." There was a slam of her bedroom door and Clara locked it from the inside.

She listened by the door for a moment and after just a second she heard the suite door open and then slam shut, "Go see your mistress, see if I care," she muttered. Clara turned back to face her bed and decided she may as well try to sleep. Slowly she began to undress, she scrubbed her face clean and then got under the cover. She was asleep within seconds, but she would not stay asleep for long.

**Xx **

**A/N- oooooooh lots of shit went down, huh? **

**Well I have to work...as usual. Yay /sarcasm. Thank you for your kind words as always! I will talk to y'all later! :) **


	11. Shaken

Chapter 11

Shaken

"Pittman, I know you are angry but you have got to calm down. "

"Lowe, I swear if something happens to her at his hands, I will throw the bastard over the side of the ship myself."

Pittman was pacing back and forth in the Lowe's quarters. He had gone straight to the quarters to find someone to tell about what had happened. Much to Lowe's dismay, he had answered the door and allowed his fellow officer to enter and that was where they had been for the last fifteen minutes.

"Herbert I get how you feel. I understand that you are upset and I will personally help you to get rid of the guy, but there is nothing you can do about it at eleven-twenty at night, okay? Just go to sleep and we will check on her in the morning."

Herbert stared at Lowe for a moment and then finally nodded, "Okay."

Lowe patted Herbert on the shoulder as the older man walked out of the room. Within seconds, the hallway was quiet, the off duty officers were in bed and completely asleep.

–

Clara was tossing and turning, thoughts chased each other in her mind as she slept. The dreams were coming back of Benjamin being taken away from her. She shot up in the bed and looked around. The room was completely dark and not a sound was to be heard from the entire suite. She got out of the bed and carefully tip toed around the room, Clara reached for her dressing gown, which she slipped into, and left her room. Her hands grasped around the door handle to her sons room and when she looked inside, she was relieved to see the child fast asleep in the bed.

Clara closed the door behind her and sat down on the side of the bed. Her eyes scanned the sweet face of her little boy, his long eye lashes, the curl of his hair around the side of his face, and the way the moon was shining through the small port window, his skin was practically glowing. Her gentle hand came up to push one of his curls away, which caused the child to stir, yawn, and turn over onto his back. Benjamin's eyes fluttered open and he looked at his mother through his heavy eyes, "Mummy?" he asked.

"Hello little love, I am sorry that I woke you up."

Benjamin yawned, "Is it morning yet?"

"Not yet my darling. It will be soon and in another day or two we will be in New York!" Clara pressed her lips to her sons forehead. She was just pulling away from her son when the room around them began to shake. Clara's eyes searched around the room and a small vase fell off the dressing table. It crashed to the ground and shattered into a million pieces. The shaking was over before Clara had been given a chance to even think about it.

"Mummy, what happened?" Benjamin asked.

Clara got to her feet and tried to reach up to the port window, but it was too high for her to see out of the small space. She turned back to Benjamin and frowned, "Stay here darling. I will return."

Clara opened the bedroom door and exited out into the main room of the suite to find Esther standing there in her dressing gown, looking equally confused.

"Ma'am are you alright?"

Clara nodded, "Yes Esther, did you see what happened?"

"I was on the promenade deck," Esther began, "It was an iceberg, like the kind you read about in books or the paper."

"An iceberg?" Clara frowned, "That is odd. I wonder if it caused any sort of damage."

"Oh not to worry miss," Esther smiled, "I am sure everything will be fine. Titanic is a strong ship."

"All the same," Clara sighed, "I would like to speak to someone who works on the ship."

"Would you like to head up to the deck and inquire?" Esther asked.

"I think it would be best." Clara frowned, "Help me to dress."

Herbert shot up out of the bed when he heard a loud scraping sound and felt the room around him shaking. He frowned and eyed is watch, it had only been about fifteen minutes since he had tried to get some sleep and he had been in that state of in between sleep and being awake; which left him feeling even crankier than before. But there was something about that sound and the way the ship shook, that he was just struck down in confusion by the situation.

"Better check on it," he mumbled, "God forbid Ismay or someone accuses me of being incompetent." Herbert crossed the small space to the trunk in the corner of the room; the lid was still sitting open from where he had changed just a few minutes before, and so he decided to put on his already worn clothing

He was just fastening the button on the waistband of his pants when his bedroom door swung open and Boxhall rushed in, "Oh good, you are awake!"

"What the hell man?!" Herbert threw a pillow at him, "Have you never learned how to knock on a damn door first?"

"No time for that. We have struck ice and we are taking on water. All officers are to report to the bridge at once," Joseph threw the pillow back, "Hurry up."

Before Herbert could protest or ask a question, Joseph was gone and he heard the fourth officer entering into Lowe's room, also without knocking.

He shook his head and pulled his coat on, just as a million and one thoughts began to race through his head. Ice? Herbert Pitman had spent enough years at sea to know that things like these were not supposed to happen. Precautions were supposed to be taken to avoid ice fields in this part of the world. Joseph had mentioned that they were taking on water and that sounded serious enough, he figured the life boats would wind up getting uncovered, even if it was just to save face. But there was something about the look on his friends face, something that seemed spooked and a little nervous.

He was grateful to reach the bridge and the wheel room, but everyone seemed tensed, and stressed out; the Captain and Murdoch especially.

"So what happened exactly?"

"We've struck ice," Murdoch's voice was shaking, "I tried to avoid it but I just could not and-"

"That is enough Officer Murdoch," the captain's voice was calm and steady, but even the usual twinkle in his eye and smile on his face when he spoke was gone, "I have been informed by Mr. Andrews that we are going down by the head. You are to uncover the lifeboats, the stewards are getting the passengers, and we are to load as many as possible into them."

The officers all looked around the room at each other and each of them shared the same look of shock, each except for Murdoch who still seemed shaken from the entire event.

"Alright, move out and set tasks among yourselves," Wilde began, "Keep people calm and get them off this ship."

–

"God, where is he?" Clara mumbled aloud as she made her way up to the deck.

Esther had ensured her mistress was properly bundled in a heavy coat, hats, scarf, and gloves, and the result had left Clara in a difficult situation to move. The hallways had a few people scattered here and there when Clara left and although a steward tried to stop her from "_going out into the cold night air," _she had no problem getting outside. But once there, Clara found officers and crew members running every which way. She watched as an officer, one who had to of been younger than Pittman, and even younger than her, began to unravel a huge roll of rope which would be involved in hooking up a lifeboat.

She stepped out towards the boats and watched as one of the newly painted, white life boats were hung to davits and swung out.

"Best watch out miss!" a voice called and before Clara could speak, an arm had pushed her out of the way of a man with a large mound of rope thrown over his shoulder.

"Oh I do apologize for being in the way," Clara bit her lip, "Could you please tell me where Officer Pittman is?"

"Herbert?" the man who had pushed her out of the way asked, "Yes ma'am, he is over on the starboard side, trying to get people into a life boat."

"Thank you sir," Clara said and like a lightning bolt, she had taken off to the other side of the ship.

She looked up and down both sides of the deck and eventually spotted Lowe, Murdoch, and Pittman talking to each other. Clara quickly walked over to them and waited quietly as they talked. Herbert had his back to Clara and as he was walking he noticed Murdoch and Lowe had stopped paying attention and their gaze was behind him at the woman. Herbert spun around and his face broke into one of complete relief, "Oh God Clara," he pulled her to him and held her tightly, "I have been very worried about you."

"I am fine Bertie," she whispered, and her own arms went around him, not caring in that moment who saw her, "But what is going on?" she pulled away from him and looked around at the crew that were hurrying around.

Pitman gave his fellow officers a look who took the hint, but not before Murdoch said, "Two minutes, we do not have time for this."

Pitman nodded and after Murdoch and Lowe walked off to oversee another boat. He looked back at Clara and took his hat off, "We have struck ice," he began, "The Captain gave the orders for the boats to be filled and lowered away."

"Ice? Boats?" Clara shook her head, trying to understand it all, "Do you really think it is that serious?"

He shrugged, "I really do not know Clara, but Murdoch and Boxhall seem really shaken. Boxhall has seen the water in the mail holds and Murdoch was in the wheel room when we struck. He saw it all." Pitman sighed, "They say we are sinking."

Clara had hundreds of images begin to run through her head, the black and icy water that they were floating on, coming up over the ship and swallowing them up. She closed her eyes, "Bertie, what should I do?"

"Get Benjamin and make sure he is dressed warmly, then get up to the deck and find me again. I am going to get you two away from this ship, just in case."

Clara nodded, "I better go and get him," she sighed and looked around, "Do you really think the ship is going to sink?"

"I just do not know," he shrugged, "Just get ready in case."

"Okay," Clara pulled away from him, "I will be right back."

He grabbed her hand and pressed his lips to it before letting Clara go. She was just turning to leave when Mr. Ismay was arriving, "Excuse me, Mr. Ismay," she said quietly before continuing to walk.

Ismay eyed her warily and then looked to Pitman, "You need to start filling these boats with women and children!" he ordered.

Pitman frowned, "I await my orders from the captain, not you." He gave Ismay a wary eye and then he took off to find out how exactly the captain wanted the boats filled.

–

When Clara reached her room again, more people were in the hallways, some in their coats and some dressed as if they were only about to go to a party. She sighed and pushed her way through and finally got into the room. David, Esther, and Benjamin were all sitting in the living room waiting for her.

"Hello Mrs. Moore, nice of you to join us," David took a sip from his glass of brandy.

"David, thank God," she walked over to him, "Did you feel that shaking earlier?"

"Yes I did," he stood up, "What of it?"

"We have to get up on the deck, the captain wants all of the passengers up there now to be loaded into the lifeboats."

"What are you babbling about?" David frowned.

"That shaking was-" Clara saw her son watching his parents with wide eyes, "Esther, please dress Benjamin and get a blanket from the wardrobe for him."

"Yes ma'am," Esther picked Benjamin up and carried him into his room.

Clara looked back to David, "The ship has struck an ice berg and the Captain said that we are sinking."

David frowned, "We can not be sinking, this ship can not sink."

"David, the Captain said so himself," Clara took a step forward, "I know we have had our differences, on this trip especially, but I need you to listen to me. We both trust the Captain and his word. We need to get our son off of the Titanic."

David continued to eye Clara with some level of suspicion, but eventually he gave in, "Fine, I will go up onto the deck and go along with this, but I am sure by morning we will all be back on the ship."

"I do hope so," Clara said and she turned to disappear into her room.

**Xxx**

**A/N- Right I am SO sorry it took me so long to update. I got home from work on Tuesday and I went to call a friend who I work with and we found out her mom had died suddenly. Fast forward to; we wound up taking all four of her kids for the weekend so she could go to Ohio for the funeral. So they've been here since Wednesday and it has been a time...I also had to work for five days so I was just exhausted every day from taking care of these kids and I just was never getting online until 1 or 2 in the morning...**

**So here is my update, I tried to make it long to make up for my silence. I love y'all! :) **


	12. Oh! Darling

Chapter 12

Oh! Darling

"Oh Clara!"

Clara looked up from where she had been bending over Benjamin in the hallway, she saw Hope and Naomi coming towards her with amused expressions on their faces, "I do hope you are not buying into all of this silliness," Naomi laughed as she pulled a black glove onto her hand.

"I am taking it seriously, I talked to the Captain and if he says we should be on the deck and taking this seriously, then I shall," Clara sighed, "I suggest you do the same and get into a boat."

Hope was about to respond but Naomi cut her off with her laughter, "Oh dear, we are going to be fine. Nothing is wrong with the ship."

"Perhaps they are right," David began to say, "I should speak to the men about this."

Clara turned around to see David moving to find his friends, "David we do not have time for this!"

He looked back at his wife, his lips were set in a thin line and he was clearly conflicted with whether he should listen to himself or to Clara, who whether he liked it or not, was still his wife. The two stared at each other, for the first time since before the trip, without the sense of confusion, anger, or even hatred. David Moore may not have loved his wife but being married to her had taught him a bit about how Clara operated. She was never shaken up like this, nothing scared her, except for perhaps whenever she tried to have a baby, but this side of Clara was a new one; absolute terror mixed with worry; and it honestly worried him.

Before he could say another word Clara quickly moved past him to someone walking up the hallway, "Mr. Andrews!" she called.

The older man, who always had a warm smile on his face, now was set into worry and he was shaking slightly when Clara took his hand, "Please Mr. Andrews, is it as serious as the Captain says?"

Thomas stared at the girl and gave a nod, "Please get your lifebelts on and get to the deck. I know Titanic better than anyone and I know what she can withstand and," his voice broke, "Mrs. Moore, this ship can not withstand what she has endured earlier tonight. You have to go, now."

Clara turned around to see David, who had been listening to the entire conversation, and David merely nodded at Mr. Andrews.

Everything seemed to be going by so fast and Clara could hardly believe that David was actually listening to reason, let alone listening to her. She gave a nod to Mr. Andrews, "Thank you sir, for everything you have done."

"Of course, good luck to you."

Before either of the Moore's could say another word, Mr. Andrews had moved off down the crowded hallway.

"We should get on the deck," Clara began, "Officer Pitman himself told me that there were not nearly enough boats in case something were to happen."

David's mouth had resumed it's tight and pinched line at the mention of Pitman but all he said was, "Let us go."

Clara nodded and she looked back to Hope and Naomi, "Girls, you need to get your husbands and hurry along. Please."

Hope stepped towards Clara, "Do you really think it will be that serious?" Her voice was low and nervous, not anything like Naomi's condescending tone.

Clara nodded slowly at her friend, Hope was the youngest of the three and Clara knew her the best, "Yes my darling friend. I want you and your husband on the deck and in a boat."

Hope stared at Clara and then turned to Naomi, "We should go. I think it is the best thing we could do."

Naomi shook her head, "Oh very well. We need to get the men however."

"Very well," Clara sighed as Naomi and Hope went into their separate rooms.

"Herbert!"

Pitman turned around to see Murdoch approaching him, "I want you to take charge of boat five, alright?"

"Very well," Herbert sighed and quickly looked around; quickly checking to see if Clara was back yet.

"Pitman?"

He looked back at Murdoch, "Yes sir?"

"If she does not get back before your boat leaves, I will make sure she and her son get in a boat."

"Oh I know," Pitman shrugged, "I do not doubt it sir, I am just concerned."

"How come?"

"Her husband found out tonight."

"Well I did warn you that it was bound to happen."

Herbert sighed, "I know and we planned to tell him, just not until we docked," he scoffed, "I suppose that is not happening now."

"Well we shall see what happens," Murdoch offered the officer his hand, "Good luck."

Pitman took the hand and shook it, but he was in a bit of a daze when he did so, "Yeah, you too."

Before another word could be spoken between the two, Murdoch was gone, headed back to the next lifeboat. He sighed and climbed off of the Titanic and stepped into the boat in order to assist passengers who were being funneled through by Lowe.

"Please sir, we are newlyweds, will you allow us to board together?"

Pitman eyed the young couple and he could not help but nod at the two, despite the order to only allow women and children. Another few couples followed suit and sat together in the far corner of the boat.

"I say Goldenberg, you will regret it!" John Jacob Astor laughed from beside Lowe, "When you are all floating out on the Atlantic and freezing in a rickety boat, I will hold a glass of brandy up in toast to you and your rule following ways!"

"Okay we shall see," Mr. Goldenberg laughed as he wrapped a protective arm around his wife, "We will be laughing in the morning, either way."

It was a slow and hard push to get up to the decks of the Titanic. Passengers had been pulled from their rooms and they now crowded the hallways, the dining saloons, and were clustered around the Grand Staircase. Clara observed some of the people she had dined with at the beginning of the trip, drinking champagne and brandy, as if it was just another party to be continued. Some of the ladies were even in their finest dress and no signs of coats or lifebelts were to be seen.

"Oh Clara, there ya are!"

Clara turned to see Molly Brown approaching her, "Oh hello Molly," she held her sons hand even tighter out of fear that she might lose him in the crowd, "How are you?"

"I am just fine and pleased to see you are alright!" Molly laughed, "You had stopped dining with everyone else, we were beginning to think that Mr. Moore here was keeping you chained up in your room and only just allowed you out this morning for church."

"I just have been dining in my room," Clara shrugged, "I am sorry to be rude but we must go, I have a spot being held in a boat up on the deck."

"Do you know what is even going on?" Molly asked, "No one is talking to us. The Stewards seem to know more than they are letting on but they just keep repeating that it is just a drill," she shrugged, "Seems hardly worth the effort."

"Oh Mrs. Brown, I do hope you get into a boat and please do not listen to the idle chatter of the ignorant masses," Clara used her free hand to take Molly's, "We asked Mr. Andrews, it is a much more serious matter than just a routine drill."

Molly frowned and her eyes searched Clara's and then shrugged, "Well who am I to argue with the Master Shipbuilder?" she finished off her drink and smiled, "You run along. I have to get something from my room and I suspect I will see you in the morning."

"Please do be careful," Clara squeezed Molly's hand.

"Of course little one," she beamed, "Goodnight."

Clara watched Molly take off back down the hallway that they had just come from. She sighed and continued to push through the crowds and finally they made it up to the decks. "We are on the starboard side," she sighed, "The boat is on the other side."

"Clara," David's voice was tight and he was looking around wildly, "Where is Benjamin?"

Clara frowned and looked down to see that Benjamin was no longer holding her hand, "Oh God," she ran out into the throng of officers, crew, and the few passengers, "Benjamin?!" she called up and down the deck; but there was no sign of their little boy. "Oh sweet God," her voice was shaking, "David, where is he?" she grabbed him by the front of his coat, which was the first physical contact the couple had even shared in months, "I just had him in my hand."

"Clara just calm down," David cupped her face with his hand, "He can not have gotten far. You, Hope, and Naomi head down this side of the ship. Robert," David turned to his friend, "Will you two check the portside? See if he went out the entrance on that side?"

"Yes of course," Robert nodded at David and he watched as his two friends took off.

David looked back to Clara who was shaking terribly, "I will go back inside and see if he is in there. We will find him. I promise."

Clara looked at David Moore, the man she had married and promised to always be faithful to, and she felt a wash of shame come over her as he looked at her in he most honest way he had done in years. For the first time since the birth of their son, David had real concern and care on his face for the woman before him, and she had no idea if it had to do with their missing son or the impending disaster, but he finally seemed to actually care about Clara Moore.

"Okay," she finally said, "I trust that we will find him."

David pressed his lips to Clara's forehead and took off back inside. Clara watched him go and then turned to Esther, Hope, and Naomi, and they began to scour the starboard side for the little boy.

–

"Excuse me?"

Lowe whipped around at a tugging on his wool coat and his eyes fell on a small child before him. This little boy was clearly a first class child by the way he was dressed and based off the expensive looking teddy bear in his arms. "I was looking for my mummy, I lost my mummy and daddy."

Harold lost the train of thought he'd had about getting a few more passengers into lifeboat number five as he bent down to the child's height, "Where did you last see them?" The last thing Harold wanted was for this little boy to be seperated from his parents in the middle of a catastrophe.

"We were inside by the big clock!" Benjamin began to explain, "Mummy was trying to get through a ton of people and I lost her hand."

"And what about-"

"Benjamin?"

The little boy turned to see Officer Pitman standing up in the lifeboat, one foot poised on the edge of the ship, ready to jump back on. "Officer Pitman!" Benjamin squealed.

"Benji, what are you doing up here? Where is your mother?" Herbert jumped back onto the ship and approached the little boy.

"I lost my mummy inside!" he said with big sad eyes, "I dunno where she went."

"Bert, we have to lower this boat away," Lowe whispered.

Herbert swore under his breath and in a quick movement he swooped the child up into his arms, "Tell you what. How about you come into the boat with me and then Officer Lowe here is going to promise to find your mummy, okay?"

Benjamin turned around in Pitman's arms to stare at Lowe, who nodded eagerly, "You go along with Pitman and your mummy is going to get into another boat. It will be like a game, okay?"

Benjamin's eyes lit up at the mention of a game with the officers, "Okay!"

Pitman said "_Thank you" _with his eyes to the fellow officer and he carefully climbed into the boat. He knew taking Benjamin without getting him back to his mother was going to cause Clara more stress than needed, but he had been given direct orders to man this boat and he could not risk Benjmin not getting back to his mother and getting left behind. He knew Clara was strong, smart, and resourceful, and so he knew that she would find her way onto a boat. He had hoped anyway, that the level of severity had been made clear to the woman, but judging by how well Benjamin had been bundled up, she understood.

Pitman carefully settled into the boat with the child and after one more person loaded in, they were deemed ready to take off. It was 12:40 when they began to descend from the ship; exactly one hour since collision and all Pitman could think about was Clara and keeping her little boy safe for her.

**Xxx**

**A/N- so yeah, review and all that jazz. :D :D :D Thanks for reading! **


	13. My Burden

Chapter 13

My Burden

"I cannot find him." Clara had been searching for close to half an hour and none of the women had been successful in locating the little boy. When they were down towards the bow of the ship, she had noticed that the ship was indeed taking on a significant amount of water, as a majority of the lower decks were covered. She shivered as she thought about standing down there, just days before, as her little boy played with his marbles and she sat with Pitman, falling more and more in love with him as each day passed.

"Oh daring," Hope took Clara's hand, "I am sure an officer picked him up. Maybe your friend Pitman has seen him?"

"We should check on the port side, the boys would not have known to ask Bert," Clara sighed and began to push her way through the crowds.

There was quite a lot more people on the decks now, all trying to get into a boat, some still seemed to be in their own little world, thinking it all a silly game that the White Star Line had invented, and there were some who were in fact taking the disaster seriously. This made it difficult for Clara to get to the other side of the ship, but when she finally did she found David and his friends standing up on a bench, searching the crowds, as if looking for their wives.

"Naomi!" Robert shouted, he jumped down and pushed through the crowd to the women.

"Did you find him?" Clara asked when she was reunited with David.

"No, there has been no sign of him," David's looked disheveled and completely stressed out, "Look Clara we need to just-"

"Clara! There you are!"

She whirled around as hands grabbed her by the arms and she faced the officer before her, "Lowe!" She shouted, "Have you seen Bertie?"

"He left about half an hour ago! Murdoch put him in charge of a boat!" Lowe explained quickly, casting quick glances to Lightoller who had been loading people into a boat, "Look I have just been given charge of a boat and I promised Bert that I would get you off the ship."

"Lowe I cannot go!" Clara's eyes welled up with tears, she desperately wanted Herbert to be there with her, to help her look, "My little boy is missing! We lost him in the crowds!"

Harold shook his head quickly, "No it is okay! We found him!"

Clara's eyes lit up, "You found Benjamin?!"

"Well where is he, man?!" David shouted.

"Herbert has him in boat number five," Lowe quickly explained, "He came up to me, asking me for help and Herbert recognized him. We were concerned about him waiting around up here and I could not promise nothing would happen to him while I was working, so Herbert grabbed him to make sure he was safe."

"Oh God," Clara's tears has finally begun to fall, "So he is okay?"

"Yes Clara, your son is okay."

Clara threw her arms around Lowe, "Oh thank you Harold, thank you."

"Come on love, you have to get on a boat. It is filling up fast," Lowe pulled away from her and began to lead her towards the boat.

"Sir, will there be room for me?" David asked.

Harold raised an eyebrow and shook his head, "Not right now sir, I am under strict orders to only allow women and children."

"Naomi and Hope!" Clara reached for them, "Please come along!"

"You can not be serious?" Naomi frowned, "I can not go without Robert!"

"Naomi, David, James, and I will get on a lifeboat. You need to go now and we will catch the first one when they start allowing men, alright?" Robert was staring his wife dead on, "Please go for me, darling."

"Clara," Harold whispered, "We have to go."

Clara looked at him and then back to David, "Please be careful. Benjamin needs you."

David nodded, "Clara I know that I have been a horrible husband and on this trip especially, I was particularly cruel to you. My hope was that you would hate me enough leave or," she shrugged, "I do not know but I am sorry for the pain and misery I have caused you. You deserve to be happy."

Her breath hitched, Clara felt like this sounded like a goodbye and she would not tolerate it, not matter how much she despised the man she was legally tied to, "David, you will get off of this ship."

He smiled, "I will try, Clara."

Clara bit her lower lip from the nerves and she quickly kissed him on the cheek, "Take care, David."

He nodded and instead of saying another word, David helped Clara step into the lifeboat. She settled into a seat and looked back to see Hope and Naomi, both with tears streaming down their faces as their husbands watched their women get into the boats.

"Good luck Lowe," Lightoller said as he shook the man's hand.

"Good luck Lights," Lowe replied before moving to the end of the boat to stand as it was slowly started to lower down.

Clara's eyes raced from person to person, faces staring down at her, people were getting desperate and trying to get into the boat.

"Get back, damn you!" Lowe shouted, "You will drown the lot of us!"

Clara reached for her friends hands and clutched them tightly. Fear gripped the three women and Hope screamed when gun shots rang out through the night; Lowe had shot his gun down the side of the ship as a warning. A crackle went up into the sky as distress flares were shot off and Clara could not help but be amazed at the sight of it all, like a firework that was setting the mood for a party, in the midst of a terrible tragedy taking place.

The trip towards the black water was slow moving and Clara thought they would never reach the end when men began to cut through the thick ropes that attached them to the ship. People were screaming and becoming more frantic and it was not until they were at least ten yards away from the ship, that Clara saw just how terribly submerged the Titanic was. The water glowed as lights were still on in the rooms that were just beneath the bow. Flares continued to go off and the screams of absolute terror seemed to fade, but they never escaped them. There was no escaping the sounds.

"Clara, I am so very scared," Hope said through her tears.

"I know my love," Clara wrapped an arm around the younger woman and sighed, "I know."

–

"Officer Pitman?"

"Yes Benjamin?"

"When do we play the game with mummy?" The child seemed to be completely oblivious to what was going on around him and he definitely did not seem to notice that the ship he had just been on, only forty-five minutes before was now taking on water and rapidly.

Pitman sighed as he moved around as best as he could in the boat and he carefully pulled the child closer to him, to ensure he stayed warm, "We will see your mother soon."

Benjamin sighed as he curled into Pitman's arms.

"You are a real natural with him," a woman in the boat said.

Pitman looked at the passenger and raised an eyebrow, "Yeah?"

She nodded, "Is he yours?"

Herbert shook his head, "No, but I do care for his mother very much."

"Well, she is lucky to have someone like you."

He smiled at the woman and then turned his gaze back to the Titanic. She looked majestic, beautiful, and haunting all at the same time. The lights were still blazing and Pitman knew he would never see one of those engineers again, they were giving their last moments to keep lights on for passengers, that was the only reasonable explanation. Boats were still being lowered away and if you squinted, you could make out tiny figures racing back and forth. Music wafted across the Atlanic Ocean that night, hauntingly sad music, that could only be coming from Wallace Hartley and his band.

Within moments, Benjamin Moore was asleep in his arms and Herbert could not be more relieved, the last thing this child needed was to witness the sinking of the great Titanic. As they pulled farther and farther away from the ship, all he could think about was Clara and he prayed harder that night than he had in his entire life, that Lowe had succeeded in finding Clara and got her off of the ship.

–

"Do you think many will die?" Naomi whispered, her eyes were glossy as she stared t he sinking ocean liner.

Clara looked at her friend and gave a mere shrug, "There are not nearly enough boats for everyone on board. So yes, some will die and some will live," she sighed, exhaustion was weighing down on her but she was too scared to sleep. She was afraid to fall asleep when her friends needed her. She shared a glance with Lowe who was helping to row the boat away from the ship, but he said nothing to her.

"We were going to start a family when we returned to England," Hope murmured, her voice was thick with emotion.

"You can not speak as if he is gone, you two have very smart and resourceful husbands. I am sure they will think of something," Clara said in a reassuring voice.

"And your husband?" Hope asked, looking at Clara.

Clara sighed, "I hope he makes it for Benjamin's sake."

"You two have been miserable for so long," Naomi murmured, "I am sorry."

"Do not be sorry," Clara shrugged, "It is our burden to carry, not yours." Her eyes fixed back on the ship and she sighed heavily as she set in for the longest night of her life.

**XX **

**A/N- Alright I have to go to work. Please review! :) **


	14. Can't Take it Back

Chapter 14

Can't Take it Back

The early morning of April 15th, 1912 was one of the longest morning's Clara Moore had ever endured. The ship had snapped in half and Lowe let them know the time when it finally succumbed to the icy cold Atlantic; 2:40 am. The screams was the worst of all, people crying for help; for the nearby lifeboats to return.

"Ladies," Lowe stood up in the boat, "We have to go back. I want to row over to the other boats to transport you all to the emptier ones and then I will go back for survivors."

Clara looked at Harold, "What can I do to help?"

Harold looked down at her, "We will need help rowing but if you are too tired, the boys and I can manage."

She nodded and moved over to where the oars were waiting to be taken up. The work was long and hard, and by the time they met up with the other boats, Clara's arms ached from the strain, but she never complained; not even once.

It took hours for them to finally get settled in other boats and Clara watched in silence as boat fourteen rowed back towards the wreckage, but it had become so quiet, no one had screamed in a very long time.

"When will this nightmare be over?" she whispered.

But no one answered her, he people in the boat were either too tired or too numb from shock to answer. Again, when boat fourteen returned, no one said much. There was movement to see what few had been pulled from the water, but no one in the immediate area recognized the passengers. It was another long couple of hours before the sun began to rise, Clara's eyes ached from exhaustion and she would have been content to fall asleep right there, at last, if a ship had not come into sight right there.

"It's the rescue ship!" someone shouted.

Clara turned in her seat to look towards the liner that was carefully sailing towards them. The ship was not nearly as big as the Titanic and in bold letters on the side it said "CARPATHIA," and people were looking over the side of the ship at the lifeboats below.

Ropes, ladders, and even nets with bags in them for small children began to be lowered down and slowly it came to be Clara's time to climb up the ladder. She clutched the sides of the rope ladder tightly and slowly she began to climb. Her legs screamed in agony with each step, they had been cramped up for so long in such a small space, that to put them through this much work without allowing them to stretch properly and wake up caused her a significant amount of pain.

"Mrs. Moore, oh thank God," she heard someone whisper as she made it over the side of the ship.

Small arms wrapped around her body and she found herself collapsing into the arms of a stewardess, "I've got ya miss, I've got ya."

Clara reached up and grabbed the straps of the girls apron, "Am I finally out of the lifeboat?" she asked quietly.

"Yes miss, you're going to be okay. It is okay."

Clara nodded and cast her glance back to the ladder as more people climbed up. Naomi and Hope were holding each other as they walked over to her. The stewardess who had been holding Clara, helped her get into a deck chair to sit, and the three women sat in silence for a long time. They were offered tea as they waited and blankets, which Clara took gratefully. When the boats had been divided up, Esther had moved to another boat so when she finally boarded the Carpathia she went directly over to Clara and sat with her. Every time someone climbed up that wasn't the men they loved, the three women grew more and more anxious but at last, a netting was brought up with a bag of three small children and the smallest boy stepped out, looking around wildly and confused, and Clara saw her boy.

The porcelin tea cup fell from her hands and shattered on the ships deck into a million pieces. Almost everyone looked up at the sound of the breaking china and they watched as Clara ran and fell to her knees as she pulled Benjamin into her arms.

"Mummy!" the child squealed in delight.

"Oh my sweet boy," she murmured, holding him as close to her as she could, "Oh you had me so worried."

"I'm sorry mummy," the boy said, "I tried ta find you but I got lost."

"I know little love," Clara quickly wiped the tears from her eyes, "I know."

People were climbing up from the boat now, this one had the fewest amount, so it was not long at all until Herbert Pittman climbed over the side of the ship. He looked around for Benjamin and then his eyes fell on the mother and son before him.

"Clara," he breathed.

Clara stared up at him and tears welled in her eyes. She stood to her full height and without thinking, she grabbed him by the hand, told Esther to take her son, and she pulled Herbert with her until they found a doorway into a quiet hall. In the darkness Clara pulled him to her and pushed her lips against his, with such a ferocity, that his hat fell off in the fumbling.

"Thank you," she said in between the kisses, "Thank you for keeping him safe."

Herbert's arms snaked around her waist as he held her tightly, their lips were still fused together and they did not think they would ever separate. The door however opened and the bright sunlight of April 15th streamed into the room and the two jumped apart almost instantly as people began to come through the door, being lead to dining rooms and places to rest.

"You two could have at least waited a moment before you jumped at each other."

Clara looked up to see Harold Lowe coming in with the groups of people and she threw her arms around him, "Thank you for everything you did last night."

"Of course Clara," he said and winked at Herbert, "You would have been proud, she helped to row for about forty-five minutes last night."

Herbert eyed Clara with pride, "Thank you Harold, truly."

"I better get back to Benjamin and see if the girls found their husbands," Clara pecked Harold on the cheek and then walked back out onto the deck.

Herbert followed close behind and by the time they made it to the others, Naomi was tightly embracing Robert and Hope was also in the arms of her husband, but there was no sign of David.

"Mummy!" Benjamin cried when he saw his mother again.

Clara walked over to him and picked her son up and held him tightly. She bit her lip and asked the question she had been avoiding, "Have you seen David?"

Robert pulled away from Naomi and sighed at the sight of Clara and David. "Clara, we tried to stay together," he began slowly, "But we got separated and," he shrugged, "James and I were rescued on the lifeboat that was upside down. We had to swim to it, but after we hit the water we lost David."

Clara felt her knees go weak at the words, she hated David and wanted nothing more but to leave, but the idea of him dead...floating in the water or at the bottom of the ocean with the Titanic, was bone chilling. She set Benjamin down and her knees began to shake.

"Ma'am, are you okay?" Esther asked gently.

Clara shook her head, "I...I need some air," was all she managed, despite the fact that they were outside.

She walked away from the others and down the deck and then her knees gave out and she collapsed.

**Xx **

**A/N-Short chapter, I know. I have to work, but I am not running shift tonight so...I shall probably start the next one when I get home. Leave me love to read during my break! Love you guys, you're the best. Xo **


	15. Make You Feel My Love

Chapter 15

Make You Feel My Love

"Clara!" Herbert shouted before running over to the woman.

She had fallen in a crumpled heap, her eyes were shut when he reached her and picked her up into his arms. "Clara love," he whispered, "Darling."

"Sir what seems to be the issue?" a steward from the Carpathia's crew came running over.

"She just collapsed, I think it is exhaustion but we are quite sure her husband was lost to the disaster."

"We best get her in with the others to see the ship's doctor," the steward said, frowning.

"I think if we can just get her a place to lay down, I can tend to her," Pittman said.

"Are you sure sir?"

"Yes, just a bed and water would suit fine."

The steward nodded, "Alright, come along." At this point Clara's friends and their husbands, Esther, and Benjamin were at Pittman's side as they followed him down a hallway. "Our passengers have vacated their rooms to give places to the passengers to sleep. I guess it is true that disasters either bring out the best or the worst in people."

"That is really nice of them," Pittman murmured.

At last the steward found them some rooms and Herbert carefully laid Clara down on the bed in the corner.

"What is wrong with mummy?" Benjamin asked in a small voice.

Herbert looked at the child and sighed, "Mummy is just really tired," he looked to Esther, "Would you mind taking him to get some food while I tend to his mother?"

Esther nodded, "Yes sir." She picked Benjamin up and walked out of the room, followed closely by Hope, Naomi, and their husbands.

When the door was closed, Herbert locked it behind him and then moved to the cold water basin and he poured the drink into a cup. He sat down on the bed beside Clara and lifted her head so she would take the water. The temperature must have struck Clara, for as soon as the water passed through her lips, her eyes opened.

"Bertie?" she asked, her voice was low and hoarse.

"Here don't speak Clara, just drink this."

Clara pulled herself up into a sitting position and she slowly drank the water. The liquid filled her up and cooled her insides down and she worked on steadying her breathing as a million thoughts began to swim through her mind. "He is really gone," was all she said.

Herbert took her hand and squeezed it gently, "I am so sorry Clara."

"He was so horrible to me for so long and then last night the tragedy changed him and he took action and calmed me when Benjamin was missing. I could not stand him but he was my husband," Clara closed her eyes, "What am I going to tell Benjamin?"

"We will think of something, but you need to rest," Herbert said gently.

Clara looked at him, "I would be lost without you, Bertie."

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I will be with you through this, every step of the way," he said, smiling sweetly.

"I guess there is no point in running away now," Clara gave a bitter laugh, "I will have to return to England and oversee the funeral arrangements," she sighed, "I am a widow

at twenty-nine years old." She looked down at the wedding ring on her hand and carefully Clara pulled it off of her thin white finger, "I can finally take this off without it seeming strange."

Herbert watched Clara carefully, his eyes followed her movements as she set the ring on the small bedside table. Their eyes locked a moment later, "Clara, you should rest."

"Please just hold me," she murmured.

He nodded silently and carefully, Herbert climbed up into the bed with her. He wrapped an arm around her protectively and Clara's head came to rest on his chest, directly above his heart. There was a steady rhythmic beat to it and it helped to lull the young woman to sleep.

–

It was pitch black in the room when Pittman woke up. He was aware of the fact that his arm was asleep and he glanced at Clara who was still sleeping on the arm he had wrapped around her hours before and she looked so peaceful that he hated to have to disturb her. However, someone was knocking on the door and so he knew he could not continue to ignore the rapping sound, eventually it would wake Clara up. He was slow to pull his arm out from under Clara's body and Pittman swung his legs over the side of the bed, his socked feet made no sound on the wood floor.

He opened the door and Lightoller was on the other side, "I have been looking for you everywhere!" he hissed.

Pittman shrugged and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, "Well Clara collapsed, I could not leave her."

Charles peaked into the room and the only way he saw Clara in the otherwise dark room, was because of the moon passing by a window and it was casting a weird glow over the woman. "Herbert, I need to have a meeting with all of the surviving officers."

Herbert paled, he had been so caught up in Clara and tending to her, he had completely forgotten to ask who had even survived, "Who is left?"

Lightoller sighed, "Me, Boxhall, Lowe, and you."

"That's it?" Pittman felt sick at the thought of it.

"Yeah." Charles ran a hand over his face and sighed again, he felt so old and so sick from everything he had seen in the last 24 hours, "Smith went down with her, he was last seen in the bridge. Murdoch continued to load boats and that was where he was last seen. Moody was last seen on the decks as well and Wilde was seen in the water but that was it. Recovery mission for the dead are being planned as we speak, but it could be days and it is highly unlikely half of the bodies will be found."

"Has a death count been totaled?" Herbert's voice was so hoarse, all he wanted to do was have a sip of Clara's water.

"Roughly? The number appears to be around fifteen-hundred."

"God almighty."

The two men turned around to see Clara sitting upright in the bed, her eyes moist with tears.

"Clara darling, you need to rest," Herbert said, rushing over to her.

She got to her feet and shook her head, "I am starving. Go to your meeting and I am going to see if I can find some soup."

"There is hot soup, tea, and coffee in the dining room. I can show you where it is," Lightoller began, "It is on the way to the deck and the bridge where Titanic's other officers are waiting."

Clara nodded and the two silently followed Lightoller out of the room. The lights in the hallway were dimmed and Clara wondered what time it was. There was not much noise, but every so often they would pass a room and hear muffled sobs. The group did not say much as they walked, everyone seemed to be too numbed by the shock of it all. Clara occasionally glanced up at Pittman, who had his eyes fixed straight ahead, but she knew he was thinking of Will Murdoch. Will had been a good friend to Pittman and despite his worries about them getting caught, Will had also extended the hand of friendship to Clara.

As they walked, Clara and Herbert stood so close to each other that their fingers brushed and then their hands joined and the couple looked at each other. The gesture was simple but it meant the world to the other person. Their grips tightened when they finally made it to the dining room. On one side of the room, blankets, cots, and pillows were laid out for people to sleep and on the other side, the long tables had been pushed together so that people could eat. There was quiet crying in this room too, either in the makeshift beds or at the tables. People were leaning on each other or they were hunched over their food, some completely forgetting any idea of formalities and social niceties.

"Mrs. Moore!"

Clara looked around for the source of the voice that had called her name and she saw Esther sitting with Benjamin (who was asleep,) Hope, Naomi, their husbands, and Molly Brown. She looked back at Herbert who squeezed her hand gently, "I will be back in a bit. Go eat."

She nodded and reluctantly, Clara let go of Herbert's hand and she went over to the table.

"Boy, I am so pleased to see you," Molly said as Clara took her sleeping son from Esther.

"I am so glad to see you as well," Clara told her.

Clara dined on soup that Esther gathered for her and the warm rolls really helped to make her feel better. The hot tea was simple but it seemed to calm Clara's frazzled nerves. No one was really speaking about what had happened and she was glad because Clara was really not prepared to talk about the incident, the trip, and David in the past tense.

"I overheard Captain Rostron saying we could be in New York by the eighteenth," Robert said, "I have been in touch with the firm in New York, our reservations at the hotel still stand."

Clara nodded numbly, "Okay."

"There is also talk of an inquiry being held by America," Hope began, tentatively, "That could hold up passengers being able to go home if they are summoned."

"Why is America sticking their noses into this?" Clara frowned, "That makes no sense.

"That is what I said," Robert muttered, "It is damn American arrogance," he noticed Molly giving him a look and he blanched, "Sorry, I did not mean any disrespect towards you."

"No offense taken," Molly said, "Thank you for apologizing."

After the meal, their little group began to disperse to the rooms they had found. Esther had taken Benjamin back to the room Clara had slept in earlier while Clara stayed behind, waiting for Herbert. The room grew quiet as people settled in for sleep and finally, after long last, Herbert entered the room.

"Hi Clara," he said quietly, "I am sorry to have kept you waiting."

Clara stood up and wrapped her arms around him, "It is okay Bertie, please just do not leave me again."

"Come on love, let's sit down," Herbert said gently.

Clara sat down and she watched him as he went to get a bowl of soup and then he was back, sitting beside her. "So how was the meeting?" She asked.

Herbert shrugged as he brought a spoonful of soup to his mouth, he swallowed and then spoke, "Well it was difficult. Not seeing the others was very strange. But," he took another bite of the soup and then said, "We have been summoned to testify in the American inquiry."

Clara sighed, "The others were talking about that happening."

"Yes well as an officer of the RMS Titanic, I am required to attend and testify." Herbert shook his head, "It is utter nonsense."

"Naomi's husband was explaining to me that he had been in touch with their employers. David's that is," Clara bit her lip and then went on, "Our hotel reservations still stand, so I have a place to go when the ship docks but-"

"Clara," Herbert cut her off, "I do not want you separated from me."

"Well as David's widow, it is going to look very odd if I tell them that they can keep their generosity. It is quite a noble thing that they will still pay to put me up, even if my husband is not there."

Herbert sighed, "I know but Clara-"

"Bertie," she interrupted, "Just come with me or something."

"And how is that going to look to your late husbands employers?"

"Well it is not like we are going to announce your presence to the world," she shook her head, "Do not be ridiculous."

"Clara, I never want to be apart from you. I just worry if the wrong sort saw us at the hotel."

"I know Bertie," Clara closed her eyes, "It is going to be hard in New York but even harder in London. I will be expected to play the role of grieving widow and while I do grieve for him, I am not as distraught as I should be, I guess." She sighed, "I am beginning to question what is even expected of me at this point."

"Clara, just let's not worry about it. We will get through the next few days and then we will figure out what to do," Herbert said as he wrapped a protective arm around her, "I promise you."

After the meal, Clara and Herbert walked around the deck together. The lower decks were filled with survivors of the Titanic, a lot of them were the steerage passengers, and some were just people going through, looking at faces and searching for someone that they knew they would never find. Herbert spent the evening being careful to avoid any discussion of David, he was nervous about overwhelming Clara with emotions.

"How do you tell a little boy that his father is dead?" she asked suddenly.

Herbert looked at her and sighed, "I don't know Clara. But you know, I will be here for him and I know I can never replace David in his eyes, I will try to be a father to him."

Clara looked up at Herbert, her eyes were full of tears, "With everything I am about to go through and subject you to, just so we can be together," she sighed, "I do not deserve you."

"Clara, you deserve everything in the world. All of the happiness and beautiful things you could want. You deserve someone to love you and who will worship the ground you walk on. No one deserves it more than you do. I have never met a woman that I have found as incredible, beautiful, smart, and just captivating as you."

She looked up at him and smiled, "Thank you Bertie." Clara reached up to kiss him and was met by Herbert wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her against him. The kiss deepened and they found themselves hiding in the dark shadows against a wall, where no one would easily stumble upon the couple. Clara's hand came to rest behind Herbert's neck, her fingers ran through his hair as she tried to get years worth of emotions that had been denied to her, given to her right there in that kiss. Clara wasn't sure if it was the desire to connect with someone emotionally or just the stress of the last 24 hours, but when she and Herbert found themselves in a empty bedroom, she did not stop him from letting him love her completely and intimately, in a way she had never been loved by anyone other than her husband; and even then you could hardly compare the two in Clara's mind.

**Xxx**

**A/N- Well...how is that for the ending of a chapter for you? I have to go now...I just got called at the last minute to work at a different store and now I am closing. At least I should still be home by 11:30 at the latest because this store closes at 10 as opposed to 11 or 12. **

**Thanks for reading and review, please! I'll need them to help me get through my shift! Xo **


	16. It Will Be Hard Before it Is Easy

Chapter 16

It Will Be Hard Before it Is Easy

The next morning came and Clara was only separated from Herbert if he had to go meet with the other officers. She had never felt closer to another soul in her life and being alone now terrified her even more than anything else. She was sitting on the deck with Esther and Herbert, and they were watching Benjamin play. So far the child had not asked about his father, which would have struck anyone as odd, but Clara assumed it was because Benjamin never exactly was doted upon by his father. A look at the survivor list did confirm that David had definitely not made it, but that finality did not bother Clara as much as the uncertainty from the day before.

Clara and Herbert had only gotten a few hours of sleep because they had stayed up half the night planning their life together.

"_I will introduce you to my mother and sisters. They will love you." _

_ "Do you really think so?" _

_ "Yes I do." _

She smiled at the memory and her hand found Herbert's on the bench, despite being in public with people walking around.

"Mummy?" Benjamin suddenly came over, his eyes were wide and she could tell he had a question on his mind.

"Yes little love?" Clara asked, pulling her hand away from Herbert.

"Where's daddy?"

There it was, the simple question that Clara knew she would have to answer eventually, but she had already gone a whole day without having to answer it. She felt a reassuring hand on her back and Clara dared to cast a glance at Herbert before looking back to Benjamin, "Come on angel, let's go for a walk." Clara got to her feet and took her son's hand in hers before walking down the deck.

–

Several hours later, there was a gentle knocking on the door to Clara's room. She got up from her seat beside Benjamin's bed, where the child had cried himself to sleep, and she opened the door.

"Hi Bertie," she whispered.

Herbert glanced at the bed and then to Clara's tear stained face, "I guess he did not take it too well?"

She shook her head and closed the door behind him as he entered, "I told him that his father had gone away and would not be back. Then he asked me if David no longer loved him," Clara buried her face in her hands, "I had to assure him that his daddy would always love him, he just would not be here anymore but in Heaven with God. Then," she shrugged, "He began to cry for a very long time and eventually he fell asleep from exhaustion."

"Well it is going to take some time, but he will be okay," Herbert assured her, "We just have to be patient."

Clara glanced at him and gave a small smile, "I hope you are right."

–

When the Carpathia docked on the night of the 18th, Clara was overwhelmed by the scene on the docks. They were covered in people, reporters, and more. There were cops trying to keep people out of the way of the gangplank so passengers could depart without being swarmed, but that did not stop some of the reporters from jumping directly in the path and taking pictures.

"There are so many people," Hope murmured.

Clara looked at her friend, "I know."

Clara bent down to pick Benjamin up so she could guarantee they would not lose each other again and soon she was descending the gangplank, followed closely by Herbert and her friends. Reporters shouted at Herbert, wanting quotes from one of the surviving officers but instead he just hurried Clara along. It was a long hard trip to the cars but eventually they made it.

"I will catch a taxi and see you in a bit," Herbert told Clara as they reached the car that had been sent from David's employers.

Clara clutched his hand, "I do not want to be separated from you," she whispered.

"I will be right behind you," Herbert said, "Now go on and get in the car."

She stared at him for a moment and Clara wanted nothing more than to kiss him, but she knew that she could not, "See you," she murmured.

Clara climbed into the car and held Benjamin against her. Hope and Naomi sat beside her while their husbands sat on the other seat.

"So Clara," Robert began, "What is with the officer?"

Clara looked at him, "How do you mean?"

"Well it is just that," Naomi started, "It seems a bit odd for a woman widowed to be spending so much time with this man she just met."

Clara sighed, "He has been helping me with my son." She shared a glance with Esther, who was the only one who knew about Clara and Herbert's affair, "He is a good and honorable man."

"We are just worried, Clara," Hope said, "The last thing we would want is for someone to question your honor."

Clara sighed, "I could care less."

"Really?" Naomi asked, "What about your son?"

"What about him?"

"He deserves to grow up in a honorable home and knowing his place in the world as David Moore's son."

"Well that does not matter to him, he is not old enough for this backwards society we live in to affect him," she sighed, "I spent my entire life thinking all I would do is love a man and have his children and I never expected to be loved back. I do not want Benjamin to grow up and be like his father," she held up her hand to silence anyone from harassing her, "I know it is wrong to speak ill of the dead, but the last night I saw him was the kindest he had been to me since we married. I do not want Benjamin to grow up and think it is okay to be emotionally abusive to women. You all lucked out that you love each other. But everyone does not get to marry for love."

A silence fell upon the car and everyone remained silent on the way to the hotel. When they were welcomed into the lobby, Clara was immediately taken up to her suite. The room was huge with a living room and three rooms attached to the suite. It seemed like a miniature apartment and Clara finally felt at home.

"I am so proud of you ma'am," Esther said quietly.

Clara turned to look at her, "Sorry?"

"I know it is not my place but," Esther shrugged, "I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself and defending your heart and Benjamin above all others."

Clara's heart softened at the kind words, "Thank you Esther."

"You are very welcome ma'am, I desire nothing more than to see you and young master Benjamin loved and cared for and I do believe Herbert will be the one to do that."

"It is going to be a long road, Esther," Clara began, "I am glad I will have you by my side during it."

"It was a load of nonsense, truly a waste of time."

Clara looked up from the plate of food before her, (that she did not have much of an appetite for in the first place,) to Herbert who had been telling her about the trial for the last hour since he had returned to the hotel. "What were they asking?"

Herbert laughed, "Oh you could tell Smith knows nothing about sailing, let alone manning a ship. He would ask stupid questions about the water that the ship sailed in during the trials, how big the body of water was, what kind of weather before hand," he shrugged, "I guess he thinks the ship must have been faulty and that is all that could make sense. It was just a massive waste of time."

"I am sorry," Clara offered, "I have stayed in all day," she shrugged, "When the maids brought up some dinner for Benjamin and I, I overheard them whispering about the Titanic. Esther had to shoo them out."

Herbert sighed, "I wish I could just stay here with you."

"I am going to have to fave the real world eventually," Clara shrugged, "I need to go shopping in the morning. Benjamin, Esther, and I need new clothes."

"Tomorrow is my testimony," Herbert shook his head, "More mundane questions."

"I would come with you if I thought I could handle it," Clara said truthfully, "I read they are sending out a ship to recover bodies. I am, frightened at best."

"Frightened?"

She shrugged, "I am scared they will find David and I am scared they will not find David." Clara buried her face in her hands, "Bertie I keep seeing his face and I do not think I can bear to see what Titanic did to him."

Herbert came around the table and bent down on his knees so he was level with the seated Clara. Gently he took her soft hands into his and looked at her, "It is okay to feel that way."

Clara stared at him, her large brown eyes devouring the man before her, "I do not wish for you to be cross at me for still having these feelings about my abusive dead husband."

He simply smiled at her and his rough, callused thumb came up and brushed a stray tear away, "I can never compete with him because despite all of the bad, he did give you the most incredible little boy in the world."

She smiled and leaned into the grip his hand now had on her face, "Thank you."

Herbert leaned in and kissed her sweetly on the tip of her nose and smiled, "Everything is going to be okay, just keep reminding yourself of that."

Clara nodded, "Alright."

They were about to share another embrace when there was a knock on the door. "Who on earth could that be?" Clara asked.

Herbert helped her to her feet and then he quietly went into the bedroom, with the door all but cracked so no one would know he was there. Clara eyed the bedroom door warily before walking to the door of the suite and opening it. On the other side stood a bell boy, "Ma'am, I have these telegrams for you from England," he offered.

Clara took them, "Okay, thank you."

"Also ma'am, a young lady asked to see you. I know you said no visitors, but she insisted," the boy continued.

Clara frowned, "Who is it?"

The woman stepped out from behind the bellboy, "Hello Clara, it is so nice to finally meet you."

The telegrams fell from Clara's hands; it was David's mistress.

**Xxx **

**A/N- Dun dun dun! Anyway...review. Today is my last day out of a 10 day work week...Thank Jesus. Then I have the next two days off. Love you guys. Xo **


	17. Broken Crown

Chapter 17

Broken Crown

"I was terribly sorry to hear about David and I knew I just had to seek you out," Alice, David's mistress was rambling, at least that's how it seemed to Clara. They had been sitting together for close to an hour already and Alice had done a majority of the talking. Clara had found herself sitting in front of her supper, which was ice cold now, and she wasn't even listening to Alice anymore, it was too much for her to take in. "It's just that," Alice shrugged, "I was wondering if you had taken anything from the ship when you left. David had something for me and I was hoping it had been recovered."

Clara stared up at the younger girl. Her brows furrowed and knitted together in confusion and her eyes scanned the girl. Alice Thompson was pretty enough in her own way. She had long blonde hair, the kind Clara had always dreamed of having, and it cascaded down past her neck in soft curls. She had a clip in her hair, which held it all together in the back, and out of her face. Her eyes were an icy blue that almost pierced through you and she had a natural rosiness to her cheeks. But she talked fast and occasionally a word slipped out that betrayed her intelligence and breeding.

"So," Clara began, "Let me make sure I have this straight. You came here and bothered me while I am in the grieving process all for some silly trinket that David promised you?"

Alice nodded, her smile never failing, "It is just that," she laughed, "David promised me we would be married after this trip. That he would divorce you and your little bea-boy and that we would be married and live in the big mansion that he owns in London."

Clara could not help it but she began to laugh, "Oh little one," she shook her head, "When I asked for a divorce my husband refused to consent because of the shame it would bring our family. You think you are so clever by coming in here in borrowed clothes and jewelry but you gave your heritage away in the first paragraph you spoke. You are a lowborn child and no one can blame you for that, but do you honestly think David was going to not only bring shame to his family by divorcing his wife who is from one of the most prominent families in London and marry a mere commoner who wears borrowed clothes and speaks borrowed words?"

For the first time Alice did not smile, "David said he loved me."

"He said the same thing to me on our wedding day and then when I became pregnant he cast me aside for a younger model. All the same, I have grown accustomed to the idea already but, if he did it to me, he was going to do the same thing to you. You are naive and it is sweet, but you must know that men do not change. If they make one decision, they will make the same decision over and over again."

Alice was about to speak but her eyes fell to a spot behind Clara.

"Mummy?"

"Oh my stars," Alice murmured at the sight of Benjamin, "He looks like David."

"Mummy," Benjamin came over and pulled on Clara's dress, "Who this?"

"Someone you need not worry about, she was just leaving."

Alice looked back up to Clara and then to Benjamin, "Hello Benjamin."

Anger flashed through Clara's eyes and she set her son down, "Esther?" she called.

"Yes ma'am?"

"Please take Benji back to bed."

"Yes ma'am."

After Esther and the boy were gone, Clara whirled on Alice, "How dare you?"

Alice frowned, "What?"

"How dare you? First you come in my suite and start making demands and asking about trinkets at the bottom of the Atlantic and you practically are flaunting the affair you had with a married man in my face and all that I could forgive, but how dare you have the audacity to speak to my son?"

"I love his father," Alice said coolly, "I have a right to insure he is at least being cared for."

Clara could not help herself but as those last words passed Alice's lips, she found herself bringing her hand up and striking it across Alice's face.

"You damn bitch!" Alice shouted, "'Ow am I supposed to go aroun' lookin' like this?"

Clara began to laugh, "I knew you were nothing but a flower girl from the street. It is almost charming that you thought David Moore with all his wealth, mansion, and country home was going to come and rescue you. But he could not even rescue me from my own misery, let alone himself. Now leave and if you ever come near me again, or my son, I will have you arrested for stalking."

"I am pregnant!" Alice shouted, taking on her posh accent again.

Clara's face lost all of its color, "You are what?"

Alice had a smug look on her face, as if she had won, "I am pregnant with David's baby and someone from his family has to be responsible for his child."

"They-they will not give you a thing," Clara's voice was hoarse, "A bastard has no claim to David's fortune."

In the bedroom, Herbert had been listening to the entire events and he could tell Clara was starting to feel ill. He looked around wildly and he ripped his officer's jacket off and quickly he left the room, "Ma'am everything in the room is alright. No problems with the heating," he said briskly, using the best American accent he could muster while posing as a hotel's technician.

Clara looked at him, "Sir, thank you for your time. Please take this trash to the curb with you when you go."

Herbert nodded, "Come along, miss." He took Alice by the arm who instantly began to fight but he never lost his grip in the girl's arm as he walked her to the door.

Clara slumped into a chair when they were gone, "Esther?" she called weakly.

"Yes ma'am?" Esther came rushing over, "Are you alright ma'am?"

Clara shook her head, "I feel I may be sick. Fetch a doctor."

–

"Mrs. Moore is going to be fine. Just the shock of everything from the last week and you mentioned yet more bad news?"

"Yes sir," Esther's hands were wringing each other tightly, "Personal business but-"

"I found out my husband impregnated another woman before he died."

Esther and the doctor jumped, they had not noticed that Clara was awake.

"Oh Mrs. Moore, are you aware of what happened?" the doctor asked, reaching over and checking her vitals.

Clara shrugged, "I began to feel very sick and I fainted?" She looked around the room for Herbert, but he was not there. Clara assumed it was to protect her social standing, but after everything that had happened in the last few hours, she really wanted him to be there.

"Yes ma'am," the doctor replied, "By the time I got here, your maid had gotten you into the bed."

Clara glanced at Esther who gave a mere shrug, which implied to Clara, that Esther certainly had not done it by herself.

"Well I do not typically faint but," Clara pulled herself up into a sitting position, "It is not everyday you find out your dead husband fathered a child with another woman."

"I am very sorry to hear that, Mrs. Moore." The doctor sounded sincere as he gave Clara a concerned look, and he continued, "Physically, you will be okay. Just try to get some rest and do not over extend your strength. You have been through a lot. If you need anything, just send word and I will be right over."

"Thank you sir," Clara said quietly.

The doctor nodded and quietly he let himself out of the bedroom. They heard the door to the suite close a moment later and within seconds, Herbert was in Clara's room.

"Oh thank God, you are awake." Esther discreetly let herself out of the room and soon the couple was totally alone. "You scared me," Herbert said.

"I am sorry, Bertie," Clara murmured.

"After you were settled in, I picked up those telegrams. You know, the ones you never got to look at."

Clara took the papers from Herbert and began to read them, "One is from my mother and father and the other from my in laws."

Herbert watched Clara carefully as she read the notes and as her face twisted into one of confusion, he gently asked, "What do they say?"

"Well my in-laws are distraught but said to let them know if I need anything," Clara shrugged, "And they ask after Benjamin." She switched her eyes back to the one from her parents, "Mother is asking about Benji and father says that the American affiliate of his export business has word to give me funds to buy a new wardrobe and," she paused then looked up at Herbert, "They have arranged passage for me home in a week."

Herbert frowned, "But you already have a ticket on the ship that David's employer's paid for, which is in a few weeks yet."

Clara sighed, "I know and the idea of being on another ship so close to the disaster sounds horrible." She buried her face in her hands, "I will have to go. There is no way around it."

"Alright, no getting upset," Herbert took the telegrams from Clara and set them down on a nightstand, "Time to get some rest. Now."

Clara eyed him and smiled, "Okay."

He reached around and fluffed her pillows for her and then helped Clara to settle into the bed, "Time to sleep and no dwelling on family and trash from the street. I mean it."

"I still do not deserve you," Clara said.

He shook his head, "Every night before I go to sleep, I ask what did I ever do to deserve you." Herbert kissed her on the forehead, "Goodnight, love."

**xxx**

**A/N- Well not as much as I would have liked to of packed in but I am going to be late to work. There was just a huge storm so I have to take my time going and I really wanted to update before I left. So please review...Love you all. xo**


	18. Shadows All Around You

Chapter 18

Shadows All Around You

Clara woke up late the next day, light was streaming through the tightly drawn curtains in the bedroom, and with how bright it was, she was not quite sure how she had slept through some of it. Slowly her legs swung over the side of the bed and she crossed the small space to the large window and she pulled back the curtains. Down below, fifth avenue was booming with business, cars, and people running here and there. Ladies were looking in shop windows and children were being quiet as they followed their mothers. In some ways, the view below reminded her very much of London, but the two would still never compare in her eyes.

Slowly, she moved away from the window and towards her bedroom door. In the living room, Benjamin was playing with some toys while Esther tidied up the room.

"Hello mummy!" Benjamin cried when he saw his mother.

"Hello my little love," she greeted, "Have you been good today?"

"Yes mummy, I have."

"Very good," Clara kissed her son on the forehead and then looked to Esther, "Has Officer-"

"He left first thing this morning ma'am," Esther finished for her, "He did not want to leave but he would have been late for the trial. He said he would try to be back by soon."

Clara nodded, "Well at any rate we do need to go and collect the money my father has made available to me so we can purchase new clothing and things for the trip home."

"Are we thinking about the trip home, already?" Esther asked.

Clara nodded, "Yes unfortunately, my parents have made arrangements for us to come home on their time."

"Oh," Esther nodded, "Very well, I shall clean up young Master Benjamin and then we can head out. Would you like me to have them send up some food for you?"

"Yes, I think that would be best," Clara said quietly before turning to go back to her room.

There was not much she could do in the way of freshening her clothing, since she had nothing. But all the same, Clara tried to freshen her appearance and she brushed her hair until it was soft, like silk, in her hands. When she exited her room, Esther was arranging a plate on a table and the aroma of hot tea, toast, and eggs made Clara's mouth water. She realized as she sat down, that she really had not eaten the night before, and as her mind went to the previous evenings events, she blanched at the thought of David's mistress waltzing through here and announcing her pregnancy.

She could not help but wonder what would have happened if David had lived to see a child of his born by another woman. How would David have reacted? Would he of stayed by Clara and paid Alice off? Or would he have left Clara for this other woman? Clara liked to think that David would have stayed b her side, purely for the sake of propriety, it would have ruined him and his family if he had openly admitted to having an affair, fathering a child by the woman, and then leaving his own family. All the same, disturbing thoughts ran through her mind as she cut up the eggs into small pieces. She knew that last night was not the last time she would see Alice and she was quite sure she did not want to know what would come next.

When every last drop of food was gone from her plate, Clara got to her feet and set off with Esther and Benjamin. They did not need to go far to find some dress shops and after several hours, Clara left with a few dresses that were pre-made, and she left her measurements with the seamstress to have some more new dresses made and delivered to her in a few days. New clothing and toys were purchased for Benjamin and after they placed an order for new luggage, the trio headed back to the hotel.

The sun was low in the sky when they returned and the hotel lobby was bustling with people who were returning after the days adventures. Clara and Esther were quiet as they entered the elevator and it was Benjamin who squealed with joy as they began to go up to the higher floor; he always loved elevators, no matter where they were. They arrived at their floor with a clang and when they exited the elevator and turned the corner to the hallway where their rooms were, Herbert was waiting for them.

"'erbert!" Benjamin cried and he took off running to the older man.

Clara felt relief flood through her system for the first time that day as they approached the man, "Hi Bertie," she greeted quietly, hoping to not draw attention from people in other rooms.

"I see you have bought half of New York," Herbert joked, he was smiling at her despite the clearly frazzled state he was in.

"This is not even all of it," Clara smiled.

"How can there be more?" Herbert asked as he reached and took a hat box from Esther.

"Oh sir, I have it!" Esther insisted.

"Nonsense," he said, shaking his head.

Clara and Esther exchanged small smiles and then Esther reached into her pocket for the key to the room. Benjamin was the first one into the room as he took off for his little corner of the room where he played with his marbles, except now he had new toys, which made the child the happiest he had been since docking.

Clara and Herbert carried the boxes of new clothes into her room and once they were closed into the room and the purchases set down, she was in his embrace.

"I missed you terribly today," Clara murmured.

Herbert's warm arms came up and enveloped her in his embrace, she could hear his heart beating against his chest as they stood together, "I missed you even more. Today was just a complete and total waste of my time."

"What happened?" she asked.

"They just asked me a couple of questions and dismissed me and then recalled me back in a few days," he shook his head.

Clara frowned as she looked up at him, "I still do not understand the point of this show."

"No one does," Herbert sighed, "Did you at least enjoy the chance to get out of this hotel?"

"I suppose," Clara pulled away from him to begin to put away her things, "My fathers associates were just laying on the condolences which made me very uncomfortable, even if I am going to have to face it when I reach London." She carefully brushed a fiber off of the large hat that she had pulled out of the box, "Then we went to stores and a few of the women recognized my name from the paper for being one of the elite who had survived, which made me sick." She looked at him, "Bertie so many people died and they scarcely get a mention simply because they were third class. Why should my name be plastered in a paper because my father and late husband are rich and I happened to survive?"

Herbert took her hand, which was still gloved, and held it tightly in his own, "It is all a show to these people and unfortunately you are caught in the middle of it because of the name you bear."

She shook her head, "We will never be free of the shadow that the Titanic has left on our lives."

Herbert pulled her to him again and pressed his lips to her forehead, "No love, sadly we will not."

**xx**

**A/N- Holy shit guys. I am 1) SO sorry that it took me this long to update. Hot damn...and it make matters worse, the chapter was short and just filler. I hope you all don't hate me. I've been on vacation since like the twentieth and I go home in four days...it's just been really busy for me and I've barely been around my computer except for super late at night. So again, I am sorry. Please don't hate me. **

**Yesterday we went to the Molly Brown house because she lived here from age 18 until death! Yeah! After her husband struck gold they bought this gorgeous house in Denver because she wanted to make sure she and her children had better access to teachers and a better education. Her house is gorgeous and if you ever find yourself in Denver, make sure you go! It was just stunning to look at! They even have one of her own dresses on display! But the awkward thing was the tour guide we had wasn't the best and I had to CORRECT her...which was a little weird for me...but yeah she was all "Well the Titanic struck at 10:30" and I was like "Uhm, wut?" So yeah.**

**Please review guys. I love you and I will try to post soon! xo **


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